Notes
for meeting with Vickie
[REPRODUCTION
OF TWEETY PIE AND POOR SYLVESTER – “that bad puddy cat” who
gets caught reacting to Tweety Pie’s immense provocations but the
woman of the house only sees Sylvester’s response not what preceded
it.]
Housemates
Gerda
Sejour
27 years old
Margaret
(Peggy) Wyss
early 50s
------------
Shannon
and Martha were previous housemates
RCs
Rehab Coordinators or Counselors
Kari
Jones
was my RC from about mid October to about mid nov 2009
Presently
Caryn
Zaner
for Peggy and myself and Sweta
for Gerda, Greg
Franklin
was recently Peggy’s longtime (?) RC
Melissa
Jacob
– Supervisor for Peppertree
Cluster Residential Program
Gerda
- blitzkrieg of Brutal Hazing when I first moved in, told
me she was Jehovah God and paper to clear dishwasher is signed
Jehovah
God, or Jehovah Gerda
– Toilet Paper game, kitchen and shower games, (blocking
common areas of house)
vicious verbal abuse of Peggy and myself.
2/25/2010
5:50 PM
Yesterday,
3 hour house meeting. Gwen, trainee, sat in on meeting. Caryn asked
me to leave the table when I complained about dirty dishes and other
things Gerda has done. Have spoken alone with Caryn about a meeting
between myself and Gerda about the problems. Every week, Caryn tells
me something different probably in response to team meetings.
Caryn
was supposed to meet with me once a week but usually spend time
shopping for food and Gerda for many weeks would ask if she could tag
along and Caryn would hurry us through shopping.
Found
out later that Caryn was taking Peggy shopping on Wednesday morning
and then meeting with Peggy for an hour to discuss problems. Gerda
was very upset when I asked her a few weeks ago to go shopping with
Peggy so that I could have some time with my RC alone.
First
meeting alone with Caryn about 5 weeks ago in finished basement.
Gerda listened in on one of my first intimate discussions with Kari.
Caryn said that I should not feel uncomfortable in my own home and
should call her with problems however petty they seem. Caryn almost
never calls me back and have called her very few times. Next
meeting, at McDonalds at my request, Caryn changed her tune and kept
telling me that I
did not want to be petty like her
meaning Gerda.
Caryn
asked if I would agree to meet alone with Sweta, Gerda’s RC and
Caryn to discuss problems with Gerda and then Sweta and Caryn would
meet with Gerda alone, then all three of us would meet together and
Caryn asked if I thought that I was strong enough to hear the things
Gerda had to say about me. I said I wanted to meet with the TEAM
therapist Paula Weiss who has seen Peggy and Gerda though Gerda is
now back with Patricia as her therapist to try to find out how to
handle Gerda’s projecting onto me her family problems and how to
handle the hours long giggling in her room. Melissa said I could not
meet with Paula Weiss but SLH would be happy to do the paperwork so
that I could see a therapist and psychiatrist at SLH. At that time I
refused but after the Feb 5 meeting with Vickie was cancelled and I
found out that it is an hour by bus to SLH Silver Spring therapy
office and two hours by bus to Gaithersburg FSA office, I asked Caryn
if I could see a therapist at SLH and continue to see Dr. Brown
because I was desperate for someone to talk about problems with Gerda
and advice on handling situations. Caryn said she thought so but
next time I saw her Caryn told me to make another appt with Vickie on
a Friday and Caryn would drive me.
Caryn
denied the next meeting that she had suggested that Sweta and I meet
alone but that Gerda and I should meet together with Sweta and Caryn
present and Melissa if I wanted with no preparation. I said I did
not think it was a good idea because I was very angry and needed to
discuss with someone how to talk about the outrageous things Gerda
has done.
So
my anger finally popped out yesterday, mentioned only four problems,
the dirty dishes, briefly about Gerda’s abuse of Peggy particularly
regarding putting away dishes, Gerda breaking the SLH rule on
blocking areas of common access in particular the bathroom and making
me use toilet paper on counter rather than on dispenser and blocking
my use of shower and walking away when I would ask Gerda any question
regarding my interests in this case when in the morning Gerda took
her shower and what would be a good time to take my shower.
After
two hours of talking to Gerda and Peggy alone, sounded like Peggy
left and was talking to herself and crying upstairs when I was in
kitchen, Gwen left after two hours saying, I can’t take this
anymore. Caryn came in kitchen and with Gerda present told Caryn
again about some of the dangerous things Gerda does in kitchen,
specifically leaving pan of oil on stove for weeks which sometimes
spills on electric burners which smoke, Gerda denied leaving pans on
stove for more than a day or so and complained about my leaving
dishes in sink to soak for a few hours while I went upstairs to
sleep, Caryn equated this with my complaint of Gerda leaving dishes
stacked in rack until it is 2 feet high when Peggy goes to stay with
her aunt two days a week and the smashed dish someone precariously
balanced on the top and broken glass from the weight of dishes. I
said that leaving dishes to soak in the sink for a few hours is not
dangerous whereas broken, smashed dishes are dangerous. Also
mentioned scorched pots of Gerda’s and GS leaving pots soaking on
stove for days or weeks. Gerda denied leaving pots of rice, couscous
or crème of wheat for more than a day or two but continued to
complain that I went upstairs to sleep FOR A FEW HOURS before washing
pots that I had used AND NOT SCORCHED.
Gerda
denied blocking my access to taking a shower made excuses why she was
still in bathroom after I would tell her I would like to take a
shower in 15 minutes, she has door open and is primping when I come
back after 15 minutes. Gerda did a whole razzmatazz number on why
she was still there and Caryn asked if Gerda could see why I felt the
way I did when Gerda was still in bathroom REPEATEDLY after 15
minutes, Gerda denied doing it more than once or twice.
THEN,
a classic ploy of Gerda’s:
Gerda
said she takes her shower at 8 am when I am sleeping so it doesn’t
bother me (I
have never said Gerda’s showering bothers me and cannot even hear
shower from my room). That
since I like to stay up late at night that I should take my shower
when Gerda goes to sleep. I said Gerda goes to sleep between 8 and 9
and sometimes 10 if she is watching a movie and I had no way of
knowing when Gerda was asleep and wanted a particular time when I
could take a shower. Caryn and Gerda pressured me to take my shower
when Gerda was asleep.
Gerda
told me a few months ago that though she is 27 years old she has to
be asleep by 8 or 9pm or she has bad reactions to her medication and
begins vomiting and she does have noisy dry heaves throughout the day
which have remained steady. Gerda would often get up at night for 10
minutes or so leaving hall light on to get water, for a while I would
be afraid to breathe after 8 or 9pm and recently Gerda has been
knocking loudly on Peggy’s door around 10:30 pm very upset by
Peggy’s alarm which I cannot hear but Peggy said she did set her
alarm for 10:30 pm but did not say why.
Gerda
in her demonstration in the kitchen pressured me to take my shower at
10 pm when Gerda said she would be asleep and it would not bother
her. I said I did not want to take my shower at 10 pm Caryn put a
lot of pressure on me to take this “deal” and pressured me to
tell her why I did not want to take my shower at 10 pm since I am a
night owl and it would be a great deal since I could shower for as
long as I like and splash around from 10 pm to 8 am I would have the
shower all to my self. I was struck dumb and later remembered that
I had told BOTH Gerda and Caryn recently and more than once that I
have a terrible time with my sleep patterns and that it was number
one on my therapist Vickie Bailor’s Treatment Plan and that I spent
months keeping track of my unusual sleeping schedule and that Vickie
and I were going to make a chart but this got lost in the move I had
to make from my apartment but that we would be trying again. The
night before I spoke with Gerda about her taking Ambien and that I
heard it was mild and that I would ask Dr. Brown about it.
Caryn
finally started encouraging me to go to Life Skills and I would need
to get up early and I hope get a good nights sleep. I do not have a
hair dryer and if I sleep with wet or damp hair have severe sinus
problems. The logical question for Caryn to have asked would have
been what time I wanted to take my shower and I would have said early
to late afternoon. Gerda said she takes a “little
bird bath”
before she goes to sleep in addition to her showering in the morning.
And the strong implication was that if I took my shower anytime
before 10 pm I would interfere with Gerda fixing her hair or her
little bird bath. So my needs once again came last and Caryn sided
with Gerda not me.
Friday,
February 12, 2010
GERDA
said the toilet was broken in upstairs bathroom. When I asked about
it she said there was not enough water pressure, when I asked if she
had used plunger she repeated that there was not enough water
pressure.
Two
of three bathrooms out in bad snowstorm.
Gerda’s
contempt and nasty behavior to Peggy who was having severe problems
day before yesterday with diarrhea and an overflowing toilet.
I
was in kitchen went in foyer when heard Gerda say to Peggy that she
had feces all over her and to go upstairs and shower and change her
clothes. Peggy was upset and asked for help and I followed her
upstairs, Peggy was wearing jeans and I did not see feces. Gerda
kept up a running commentary about how much Peggy stank and how
inconsiderate Peggy was for leaving her door open and that it stunk
so bad, she, Gerda could not stand to stay upstairs, just outside
Peggy’s room there was a smell not that bad in the hall worse in
her room but not unbearable. I did not smell it at all later in my
room or on the stairs or in the living room. I helped Peggy as best I
could, we are out of plastic garbage bags since
Gerda’s games with the household money.
Gerda
said she had 2 plastic bags in her room but did not offer Peggy one,
after Gerda came up with a bag for the garbage pail in kitchen, I
found a large plastic bag in the basement around one of my portfolios
that Bonnie had given me to move and helped Peggy clean up her
bathroom and put the Depends Peggy had placed in small beige grocery
bags in bag and put on porch. Gerda kept complaining about the
unbearable smell, was not that bad even in Peggy’s room and Gerda
was sitting in the living room downstairs complaining again and again
about the stink.
Gerda
did not want to open windows to air out house but shut up about Peggy
causing her distress by having diarrhea, stinking up the house, and
wearing Depends after I mentioned twice that we could open the
windows for 15 minutes to air it out. GS said I was used to going out
on the porch to smoke when I told her it was chilly but not bitter
cold.
Gerda
has bowel problems also from the medication, mostly constipation and
solicits sympathy by asking me each time she gets meds to lift the
heavy package of liquid that gs takes each month. Gerda said she was
going to complain to Peggy’s psychiatrist since Peggy would not ask
for medication to help with her diarrhea. I put the plastic garbage
bags on deck since there will be no trash pickup till further notice.
Gus,
maintenance,
is coming early today to check Peggy’s broken toilet again and the
other upstairs bathroom toilet. Many mice running around to and from
refrigerator. Exterminator boxes not working, he left the boxes on
January 19 and only one mouse looked skinny and wasted from the
poison.
RC’s
refusal to give me a copy of my treatment plan, though I repeatedly
requested it in Oct and Nov then gave up.
10/09
to 5/10 my six month plan
and I just got to see it briefly with Greg on Jan 25, 2010. Caryn
read it to me, sideways on table at McDonalds and promised me a copy
of Treatment Plan on Jan 27 2010.
How
am I supposed to fulfill my goals for this 6 month periord if I don’t
know what they are for almost 4 months?
Caryn
said
that Kari
Jones
made up the Treatment Plan and signed off on it electronically. Caryn
said that she and Kari were jointing working with me through most of
November when I asked when Caryn Zaner had begun as my RC.
When
I tried to take notes on her explanation of Treatment Plan
and asked questions, Caryn
said no one forcing me to live there and if
I don’t trust counselors
or
won’t take meds as they say even
though contradicts
what psychiatrist wrote,
then
no one was forcing me to live there.
TRUST
When
I went to
sign on Jan
27 2010, the date had already been filled in with
bright blue ink 11/14/09
NOVEMBER 14, 2009
– repeatedly asked Kari, Greg and called Melissa twice in this time
period to request my Treatment Plan, evasive or no response.
When
Caryn gave me a copy of the Treatment Plan that she said would be
signed, it was electronically signed by SLH personnel but
the page that I signed by hand with
the bogus date was missing.
I
also asked Caryn on Jan 27, 2010 for the Comar
monthly notes
on progress which according
to the SLH Manual, I am entitled as a resident to receive upon
request, Greg
just said no one had ever asked for them before so he didn’t know
anything about it. Greg
Franklin
kept pressuring me to sign without reading Treatment Plan but I
refused and said, “If
I haven’t read it or received a copy how can I sign off that I
received my Treatment Plan?” (Feb. 25 still have not received Comar
notes)
Greg
said to call him by Thursday, Jan 28 because it had to go in by
Friday, Jan. 29, 2010 after Caryn went over it with me on Wednesday
Jan 27.
Last
time saw Greg he told me how hard Caryn had worked to get me
insurance which will take effect in 30 to 60 days. She called and
told me how long she had been on hold at Aetna,
Healthnet dropped
me after one month though presumably paid when I only had to pay
$1.00 in December for Clonazepam at Giant, usually $26, before that
Rite
Aid
and CVS
said
it was $58. Walmart
said they had never heard of Healthnet’s
Green Letter and pharmacies refused to take it, was issued Healthnet
card Oct 2009.
I
am very grateful for the benefits that SLH has gotten for me but how
much abuse can I take from Gerda in response, esp. when she is
smearing my reputation as
she did with Peggy who is being forced out after 4 years after filing
a formal Grievance complaining of Gerda’s abuse and most likely
Shannon and Martha and Wanda and Margaret Sullivan, et al before me.
RC
Caryn
said in meeting 3 weeks ago at McDonalds that Peggy has her opinion
of me and so does Gerda and later same meeting said you
should hear what Gerda says about you.
At that time Caryn said I could meet with Team Therapist Paula
Weiss, later
said Melissa said they would help me with paperwork but unless I
signed on to see SLH therapist and psychiatrist
could
not see Team Therapist Paula Weiss,
even though I love my therapist and doctor at FSA and was told by
Melissa in front of Terri
Reid,
intake worker that I could keep them.
Throwing
me and Gerda
in a meeting about our “disputes”
with no preparation even though Gerda is experiencing tremendous
medications changes, Clozaphine which takes a blood test every week
and seems to be working to stop the little
girl
giggling voices for hours but which has caused Gerda to fall once, I
helped her up, and causes her to complain of extreme fatigue and she
is being taken off three of her Zyprexas in the morning and Gerda
still abuses Peggy
Wyss
and plays games with me.
Even
though Caryn
said Melissa
would
be present if I wanted, said at first McDonalds meeting that she,
Caryn Zaner and Sweta,
Gerda’s RC
would meet with me and Gerda privately then have a joint meeting, the
next meeting said Caryn never said that
and the meeting would go forward without private meetings – like a
cockfight, don’t want to upset Gerda’s
recovery on new meds
and I mentioned to Caryn would like to know Gerda’s complaints
about me first but Caryn would not tell me though she and Sweta went
back and forth in Gerda’s 3 month war on Peggy.
Peggy
would call me into her room while Gerda was making war on her, lying
in bed facing away in very weak and listless voice
would ask Sweta to meet with her when Sweta came for meds. Peggy is
a very quiet, timid person who stays in her room most of the time but
Gerda recently convinced Peggy that pw was “too
loud”
and Peggy said “I
know I am too loud”,
she is the quietest person I have ever met, shuts doors carefully and
silently. Gerda clomps around in her square heeled boots or plastic
clogs, plays boom box music loud while Peggy and I tiptoe around in
stocking feet.
I
think
Sweta has
been Gerda’s RC for a while (Gerda
said twice yesterday after a phone call with Sweta “That
woman just rubs me the wrong way”
and has said she
wants
Caryn
Zaner
who is Peggy and my RC and is inexperienced and easily swayed by GS –
see misappropriation of household money, Gregg
Franklin was
Peggy’s RC for a while and she would request in the same manner
that he come up and speak with her – Greg often treats Peggy and
her questions in a jocular sometime inappropriately mocking way).
Caryn
Zaner asked at the first McDonalds meeting if
I was strong enough to hear the things Gerda had to say to me.
Haven’t a clue, her hypocritical kitchen complaints and Shower and
TP games. Gerda keeps prominently displaying a book aimed at
children on bullying. I think she wants a fight and then a
reconciliation scene as she would like with her sister, Linda, but I
am afraid of even more projecting and transference on to me.
Exhausted and drained from trying to meet Gerda’s
demands for companionship, audience, scapegoat, substitute for family
members who hurt her –
(Chapter
on Sandra
in
Gerda’s novel SISTERS)
thinks of me as a 24/7 therapist, never asks about my work or dreams
but expected me to read and
edit
her novel, does ask a few rapid questions about my family in a cold,
calculating, quick way.
I
requested to Caryn that we meet and talk at McDonalds because I
caught Gerda eavesdropping on my very intimate discussion about my
family problems early on with Kari Jones. Kari
had asked Peggy who was in living room to go upstairs so we could
meet privately,
when finished talking to my RC Kari at the dining room table, I went
into kitchen, right
next to dining room,
to get tea and Gerda
was hunched over kitchen table with lights out.
Gerda
has, at Gerda’s constant requests, been accompanying me and Caryn
for almost all of our shopping time together though Gerda can go
earlier with Peggy to Giant after
weeks of this with Caryn not often able to meet with me privately
before house meeting,
Gerda became furious and convinced Caryn not to use household money
for each person but to give $10 each, why does accounting keep this
money separate?
At
meeting with Caryn Zaner in Townhouse finished basement Caryn
said she was not afraid to confront Gerda on her bullying then
changed her tune after team
meeting?
In next meeting at McDonalds made light of the things we had
discussed seriously the previous week – “if
Gerda wants to keep scorched rice pan with water and rice on stove
for weeks at a time, you are three grown women and I can’t tell
Gerda how long she should keep dirty pans on stove.”
Dept of Health has a sign above our sink though doesn’t address
this issue think they might have something to say about it.
CARYN,
in dismissive voice “We
are well aware
of Gerda’s giggling.
If
you want to be in this program you have to get used to people talking
to themselves.”
(Shannon’s
visit, Gregg said we
are well aware
of housemate problems, “like
stealing”,
presumably in reference to Shannon
or Martha)
Gerda
said the new med with weekly blood tests was scary but “if
you heard voices like I do you would do anything to stop them.”
Gerda said she has been living at 24 Dunsinane for almost 4 years.
Don’t think Gerda is served by ignoring her incredibly rude and
abusive behavior to housemates, on
one level it is a cry for help,
I am not trained as a therapist or how to handle transference and
cannot be on-call for Gerda 24/7 with no backup or help.
Does
Gerda have multiple
personality disorder,
DID
Disassociation Identity Disorder?
She platforms sometimes – changes from one personality to another
very quickly, I
don’t know how to respond
which is one of the reasons I gave for wanting to talk to Paula Weiss
on how to handle this very difficult situation since Ms. Weiss is
listed as the Team
Therapist
and has been Peggy’s therapist for a while all the time this war
has been going on and Gerda briefly met with Ms. Weiss before
returning to her therapist Patricia.
On the day I moved in Gerda kept saying she hated her therapist
Patricia.
And Gerda said she had a
sister named, Linda.
But Gerda said this shortly after she told me she was Jehovah God and
waiting - looking at me for my response.
According
to what Gerda has said and her writings her family has not treated
her well, no visits at Christmas
but
one since then and several recent calls after the earthquake in
Haiti. But Gerda very unfairly tries to work out her family problems
as a child on her housemates who are vulnerable because they have
often been treated badly by their families. Like shooting fish in a
barrel.
Gerda
can be very
charming,
would make a wonderful salesperson or actress, sometimes I wonder
about borderline psychopathic tendencies. In her chapter on SANDRA of
Gerda’s novel SISTERS, Sandra goes between wanting to kill Uncle
Victor,
the abuser of all three sisters, and wanting to make him wish he were
dead and when Sandra is arrested for stalking and threatening Uncle
Victor with a gun, Sandra tries to help the women in prison go
straight the way Oprah would but one of the inmates or her boyfriend
conveniently kills Uncle Victor because the inmates love Sandra and
Sandra feels her hands are clean since she did not pull the trigger.
When
Gerda asked what I thought about the novel and I said that the
stories of the first two sisters was great but did not understand the
third part about Sandra, she exclaimed that Sandra’s story was her
story and went on, I did not encourage her because I thought in
general that Gerda was using me as a therapist and was refusing at
that time to see either Paula
Weiss
or Patricia,
the
two therapists available to Gerda,
and because the confusion of the last chapter, misspellings not in
the first two chapters and the rage combined with the abusive
bullying way she treated Peggy and myself frightened me.
Caryn
accepts what Gerda tells her about me without checking with me to see
if it is true or if it happened once or a few times if Gerda is
making it sound like it is still going on, my alarm clock bothering
her stopped setting it altogether then Caryn asked 2 months later as
if still setting it same with sleeping a lot, at first I did but
Gerda seems not to know if I am in my room sleeping, or working on
computer or reading but instead of asking Caryn just made a
statement, “You
do sleep a lot.”
--------------------------
1/26/2010
10:25
pm
Gerda
just knocked on Peggy’s door again,
told pw to turn off her alarm clock, I stood by pw’s bedroom door
did not hear anything, light was on saw underneath door, Gerda asked
pw why she set her alarm for the middle of the night, that she would
have to stop doing that it was waking her up. Caryn
suggested earplugs at a house meeting. Peggy apologized. I had just
started using my computer, don’t know if Peggy had set alarm or if
it is my computer that is bothering gs. Usually try to turn it off
when gs goes to bed but need to write this report.
Gerda
was given her Treatment Plan last week, she left it on kitchen table
for a while then started reading through it on couch. Why wasn’t
my Treatment Plan given to me at the same time, Greg put my Treatment
Plan back in cabinet said he did not have time to let me read it but
to call him by Thursday that it had to be in by Friday, where does
this report go, to CSA?
The
Inspector, Howard, was very upset at the state of Gerda’s room,
spent a long time telling the two women he was training about what
was wrong said something to Melissa Jacob like, clean it up. No one
spoke to gw still two or three rows of shoes around room, if she can
afford so many shoes, coats and clothes, why doesn’t she buy two or
three shoetrees. The Inspector came into my tiny room and said this
is better.
Melissa
had written on the first chore list for Inspection for Gerda to clean
up clutter but version just before the Inspection just had red line
around the clutter on Peggy’s dresser, pw’s room is almost empty
and my room clutter on closet floor and wash windows. Who has given
Gerda total immunity from any and all rules??
Date
of Inspection -
With
Gerda feel like someone who doesn't play basketball put on the court
with the Harlem
Globe
Trotters. I feel very depressed listless like Peggy. Gerda is a
huge energy drain expects
housemates
to be a 24-7 therapist, audience, scapegoat for her - Gerda had
stopped going
to
therapist though on new meds that need weekly blood test and her war
on Peggy. Caryn
said
you haven't seen your therapist for months either, I just looked at
her and she said,
I
know
you haven't been able to get there because of cut off Medicaid
transportation and
using
your cab coupons to visit your mother.
If
ordinary noise bothers her so much maybe Gerda should be in an
apartment by herself
- or with
more
supervision in a house with a constant counselor present. Whatever,
she needs much
more
help than she is getting now and her abuse of housemates is not doing
her any good
either.
Cry
for help?
Sunday,
January 24, 2010
:
Jan
24 2010
Sun 8:38 pm
Hard
to write about the things gerda did to intimidate me when I first
moved in. Neither Greg or any of the other counselors I tried to
broach the subject with were interested. Until Greg heard me trying
to call someone to talk to at SLH about the way Gerda was treating me
including Prog Dir Team Therapist etc. Teri and Paula Weiss called
back and politely said it wasn’t their job to call Melissa
Jacob
who never called me back two phone calls a few weeks after I moved in
and Alex and Barrie Friedman Program Directors and Manager weren’t
available to talk.
Called
a few weeks after I moved in when Gerda’s bellowing
my
name from downstairs and the pounding
on my door by Gerda became unbearable.
Greg
said RCs well aware of previous problems why
Shannon, Martha and others left
and mentioned stealing by one of the previous housemates when I was
calling around after very angry at Gerda’s vicious actions towards
me the first few weeks at Dunsinane Court.
Gerda
seems to have Felix
Unger
(The
Odd Couple)
type noises-sinus problems, sometimes sounds like she is choking.
Gerda has been making these noises since I first come to Dunsinane
court some days worse than others, is the medication she is on?
Called
Caryn to let her know that Gerda said when she checked the mail today
that the newsletter for the St.
Luke’s House Life Skills Program
for February only
came for Gerda,
said there were no newsletters for Peggy or me. The three
newsletters always come together and I asked Caryn to check if and
why my name has been taken off the mailing list. Caryn said on
Wednesday that she did not call about newsletters but mine came the
next day and the day after that Peggy’s newsletter came.
Have
had a terrible time getting a copy of my treatment plan though Kari
and Caryn have read parts to me mainly my diagnosis no copy to me or
signature stating I have received treatment plan, Caryn, when reading
from her laptop months ago mentioned something about exercise,
printing out something on yoga type stretching exercises to do at
computer, never
gave to me.
Caryn questioned my objection when Kari Jones told me on the phone
that my diagnosis was given as Bi-Polar instead of Panic Disorder.
When Caryn said that Dr. Brown had given my the diagnosis of Bi-Polar
and if I still objected, I said that I trust Dr. Brown.
I
later told Caryn that Vickie thought I might be bi-polar because of
the amount of time I spent awake on computer, sometimes almost 24
hours, obsessive. Caryn said in
another meeting
(probably
with the influence of the RC “team” who have very little
psychiatric training)
that my therapist Vickie should not be giving me my diagnosis but
that I should discuss it with Dr. Brown even though I stated that Dr.
Brown is very, very busy and Vickie has spent much more time with me
and works closely with Dr. Brown. Caryn also said why should my
medication change when the Paxil and Klonaphin were doing so well.
Caryn has taken very little time to get to know me and the anguish
over Gerda’s abuse of me and Peggy and my problems with sleeping
and depression and exhaustion exacerbated by Gerda’s vicious verbal
assaults and very meanspirited games.
When
I did receive treatment plan, my diagnosis was not on it.
Caryn
did manage to get me the $125 a month for January instead of the $81
that the accounting dept had been giving me when I showed her a
copy of the handwritten statement of the Federal standards
for the minimum a person needs to live in this area by
Teri Reid at intake
but though Caryn promised to give that handwritten copy and the
copies of the check receipts after she had made a copy have not
received it back. (2/12/2010
Last week she gave me back the copies upon request.)
Gerda
getting ready for bed in upstairs bathroom. She was downstairs in
the basement for a while giggling loudly and hysterically again. I
had hoped the meds would help her permanently to stop hearing the
voices that she said torment her and make even taking Clonopazine and
having to take a blood test once a week worthwhile. Said she would
do anything to stop the voices.
9:02
Gerda is now quiet.
9:35
GS is quiet again after some sinus noises and tormented sounding
vomiting like noises. She had told me that at 27 years old she has
to be in bed by 9pm or the medication makes her vomit, don’t know
if she said this before she started on the Clonazine. GS talking to
self I am mostly writing long hand from computer notes. Computer is
by the wall that her bed is against.
10:22
Gerda up sounds like she knocked on Peggy’s door has only done
that once before about a week ago.
Last
week had gerda another fight with Peggy in kitchen I stayed in
basement waiting for clothes to dry when
I went upstairs
pw was cleaning floor and said that gs had accused her of being loud
and pw said “I
know I am loud”
and I told pw that she was one of the quietest people I have ever
known and had told Caryn
several times that I am naturally an introvert a quiet person like
Peggy though I share interests with gerda she is an extreme extrovert
and I am an extreme introvert.
Peggy
has mentioned to me many times while doing housework that she is
“afraid
of Gerda”,
long, long pause, “If
I don’t do the chores right.”
And I had started saying back to Peggy, about a month and a half ago
that
I am afraid of Gerda too.
It seems Gerda is afraid and tries to frighten other people to make
her forget and feel empowered but gs was abused by her family and it
is not right that she is allowed to act out her rage on innocent
people who have not done anything to hurt her. GS abuses people
until they fight back and she feels justified in using any trick,
lie, hypocrisy, or verbal abuse. Maybe
Peggy would not always be asking for counselors to come to her room
when she is in bed to talk to her if she were not constantly being
verbally abused by gerda.
Greg
Franklin who was Peggy’s RC, now Caryn is though when they move
Peggy to an apartment don’t know if she will have RC or be allowed
to participate in JavaHouse or Social Night that she loves– often
treats Peggy with contempt, tried to place me in the same scapegoat
role as pw but though I do not initiate conversations, used to ask
legitimate questions about SLH program but always a “I
don’t know nothin’ bout nothin’”
response so stopped. But do answer back when he treated me
“inhumanely
and without dignity”
see SLH
Manual Rules and Regs.
Example
of Greg’s treating clients with out dignity “pee
u you have bad smokers breath” when
I asked if
I had a right to my treatment plan
after confusing answer by Kari Jones on phone, at that time my RC.
GF’s mockery of Peggy about dust rags and inviting me to join him
by calling my name when I was on way out door to the deck outside
“Isn’t
one rag like another”
and what I said in return. Was tired of seeing Peggy embarrassed and
used as scapegoat not just by gerda but also her RC at the time, Greg
who often treated her questions with contempt.
Gerda
said that she wanted Caryn as RC instead of Sweta who never takes her
anywhere but Caryn has always seemed to be more of Gerda’s RC than
mine, often sided with Gerda and after the dishonest use of the joint
household funds and the pathetic tiny rolls of tp Caryn bought at CVS
for $6 and some change – check price and brand of tp bought
previously. Ask cz if gs had any influence on where she bought the
tp, who paid for the much smaller than usual supply of paper towels
and why were the paper towels bought at Giant and “my”
TP at CVS.
Caryn
never encouraged me to participate in SLH Life Skills program. Caryn
stated that she is going to speak to my therapist at my Feb 5th
meeting with Vickie though cz had not mentioned that before and
although cz has said several times that she is free all Friday, said
she would leave and I could use my $48 cab coupons to come home. I
had only offered to use coupons on Thursday morning when cz said she
was free but had to meet with clients in afternoon.
Vickie
gave the Jan 29th
appt to someone else though she does not work weekends, said she was
confused by my message and so gave it to someone else on Monday
morning, Vickie did not call me back about my weekend messages
though she is usually good about calling back and said she was not
angry when I called her last week after 2 months (?) of not seeing
her, said she knew moving was stressful and time gets away from you
(also
the holidays).
Caryn
did not return any of my messages in the past week. Did flip-flop on
gs’ bullying and not being afraid to confront her, totally
different response the next week. Need copy of Comar monthly
reports, the SLH Manual said I have a right to these monthly reports.
I
am not always complaining make note under signature, if I sign, may
want to discuss first with my therapist.
When
Household Expenses check was late and I was out of TP, Gerda told me
to go into Peggy’s room and take a roll from Peggy’s closet – I
was not about to invade Peggy’s privacy by entering her room
without her permission and I certainly was not going to steal as
Gerda advised. Shows Gerda’s contempt for any and all rules and
regulations and any human decency.
Name
of activist at rally(?), Bob Brady of Stephens’ Ministry, Jeanette
how helpful they were would not be pleased at SLH’s attitude of
anything goes concerning Gerda and they do not work so hard for the
mentally ill for their trust and very hard work to be betrayed not
only by Gerda but by SLH lack of any oversight of this abuse of
housemates.
Gs
expected me to read and edit her novel very time consuming and the
last third of novel Sisters,
the chapter titled SANDRA is a cry for help.
Peggy
finally started fighting back and after finally making complaints
Peggy is the one who has to move to an apartment. If someone were
starting real fires would SLH be content with scapegoats or would
they try to find the real perpetrator who was constantly causing
damage? Is Gerda the right demographic for SLH statistics, youngish,
black, NOT an American Citizen so cannot vote, but somehow this is
desirable, she is not physically handicapped, charming when
counselors or someone “important”
is around, why hasn’t anyone done anything to stop this wildly
unchecked abuse before now?
Peggy
has never done a single thing to hurt me and is so quiet and
constantly apologizing for everything, Gerda would make me feel that
I hardly dare breathe in my room lest I disturb her. A week ago I
brought down the few pills the Pharmacy gave me since my Healthnet
had changed to Aetna, gave the bottles to Sweta to lock up and I’m
not sure if Sweta had even left when Gerda
snatched my empty Pharmacy package and
asked if I wanted her to throw it away. A few weeks ago, Gerda had
left her pharmacy bag on the kitchen table for about a week until I
put it near the phone to get it out of the way where it still
remains. She is constantly trying to obliterate my presence as she
succeeded in doing to Peggy so that GS can have the large bedroom,
Gerda’s refusal to let me use the toilet paper roll dispenser in
the upstairs bathroom, etc.
Gerda
made vehement complaints about my alarm clock, I stopped setting my
alarm and was very surprised when Caryn spoke weeks later as if I
were still using the alarm. If
something happens once or twice does Gerda continue to complain and
act like it is still going on
the way she constantly complains about Peggy needed to use Depends
which Peggy leaves in basement trash can and usually it does not
smell but once it did and Gerda said Gus said he couldn’t stand to
stay in the basement to do his work because of the smell from Peggy’s
Depends.
I
would be very worried when she would be giggling an talking to
herself for an hour or more at a time sometimes twice a day and
wonder if I should call someone to help her – looked at the
emergency instructions and would try to decide if the child’s voice
giggling going on and on would constitute and emergency. Shannon,
Martha, Peggy or someone must have reported this giggling but the
team takes it for granted - the new meds really do seem to help but
the giggling which now only occurs sporadically and for a short time
was and is very unnerving esp since it seems to be a child’s high
pitched voice not Gerda’s usual deep voice. Would go to sleep to
her giggling then would think at least she sounds like she is having
a happy party by herself to soothe my conscience but later she spoke
briefly of how tormented she was by voices.
Gerda
said she was the rage filled character of Sandra in the novel SISTERS
she asked me to edit for typos, grammar and spelling. SISTERS was
good writing abut the other two sisters but
lost control of the material with Sandra
the other editor almost stopped editing very obvious sentence
structure mistakes not present in the rest of the book and this 3rd
and last chapter also contained many many more grammatical and
spelling errors, and some of it did not make sense at all.
Gerda
is well-trained in writing and studies very hard to be a good writer
it seemed like the character of Sandra
who
stated that she wanted to kill Uncle
Victor
for abusing the three sisters as children and alienating them from
each other but instead would stalk him from place to place until he
would wish he were dead, Sandra was arrested by police as Gerda later
said she was in Canada and taken to a mental institution because the
character of Sandra was based on her experiences. In jail Sandra
tried to read the Bible and pray and help the other women prisoners
to straighten out their lives so you could see Gerda’s good angel
struggling with her demons. I
think Gerda asking people to read her story and her novel for
spelling and grammar mistakes is partly
a cry for help.
But this is way beyond my capabilities. Psychopaths are said to be
very charming and cover their tracks well, Gerda has something of a
conscience as evidenced by Sandra’s struggle.
I
cannot be a therapist for Gerda and she has stated that she hates
Patricia, the first day I moved in and that Paula
Weiss
is very nice but that she did something Gerda did not like so Gerda
stopped going to her. I cannot be that substitute and Melissa
Jacob
the team supervisor has refused to let me speak with the Team
Therapist Paula Weiss
about this situation
– When I asked Caryn about seeing Paula she said that they would be
happy to do the paperwork to transfer my therapist from Vicky Bailor
at FSA to SLH but otherwise would not be allowed to talk to Paula.
Offer
for Sweta and Caryn to meet with me and then
a joint meeting with Gerda and Caryn asked if I was strong enough to
hear the things Gerda would say about me. And said that both Peggy
and Gerda had their opinions about me to. Spoke to Caryn two weeks
ago about Gerda projecting her family issues on me and Peggy and
other housemates. Gerda tried to force Peggy to help with Christmas
tree but pw rightly kept refusing and gs lectured pw on doing things
together as housemates. I helped because I wanted a Christmas tree,
Peggy didn’t object just wasn’t interested.
This
first meeting in McDonalds was just after Caryn took Gerda and Peggy
grocery shopping and Gerda was angry when I asked Peggy if Gerda
could go with her because I needed some time alone to meet with my
RC.
Shannon’s
visit.
Gerda
said she complained to Melissa when Gerda went to see her therapist
this week about Sweta calling at the last minute 4 times to cancel
ride promised. Gerda said Melissa said that gs should have let her
know the first time Sweta cancelled.
GS
had her children’s book about BULLYING on her thesaurus on the
bookcase in dining room, after she came upstairs she placed it near
the center of the dining room table. Don’t know what message she
intends. Had prominently displayed the book on Bullying a few weeks
ago but thought she had taken it back to the library.
When
first started talking to Caryn about the games and tricks Gerda
played on me Caryn said that if Gerda were bullying me and Peggy she
would not be afraid to confront Gerda. Next week changed her tune I
guess after the team meeting
and said “We
have
known about Gerda’s giggling for a while and if you want to be in
this program you need to learn to live with/deal with people talking
to themselves.”
Told Caryn that Gerda would giggle for over an hour at a time with
talking very fast in between used to think she had invited several
people into her room for a party. “Many
of our clients talk to themselves and if you want to be in this
program you need to learn to live with/deal with people talking to
themselves.”
At
the McDonald’s
meeting
I asked Caryn if I could meet with the team therapist, Paula
Weiss
and though Caryn tried to discourage me at first saying that anything
I said about Gerda would go into my file not gerda’s because of
privacy issues – tried to find out if
Paula Weiss has any input into team decisions
since she is listed on the phone list as the TEAM THERAPIST but Caryn
just mentioned privacy issues and did not specifically ask if Paula
Weiss ever attends the team meetings.
You
mean you are going to take your shower before ME!!
The
money held out $10 apiece for the explicit purpose of jointly buying
household items gs managed Wed before last to do away with. Kari and
Greg refused to give me my $10 to buy toilet paper and hand soap for
the downstairs bathroom. Paper towels were bought a Giant and almost
out not as many as usual and I have been out of TP for 4 days gerda
only put her personal Scott tissues on roll dispenser downstairs just
before Caryn came last Monday for Meds.
Caryn
angry when I asked for the ten dollars to buy TP she said again the
gerda and Peggy were buying their own TP now they each had $5.00 left
to spend on their own personal items why keep this money out if
everyone is going to use the $30 on their own household needs we need
paper towels soap for downstairs bathroom and TP hard to find a
replacement for TP have no money left and was not given any warning
or written confirmation that the rules had changed.
Caryn
said I only had $3.00 and some change left after she bought me 8
rolls of TP at CVS very small rolls – the Giant brand would have
been about $7.00 for 8 LARGE rolls of the Giant house brand which is
what is usually bought. Why did Caryn buy paper towels at Giant and
very small rolls at CVS??? Caryn said she did the best she could and
that I had said she should buy the household items but it has NEVER
been done this way before.
Whenever
Kari or Caryn would be told by Gerda that she bought her own TP
because she used so much and never touched the household TP Kari or
Caryn would sternly ask her if she would still be contributing the
$10 that Terri/Accounting holds out specifically for household items
and gerda would always answer “Yes.”
12/12
– Though we are out of paper
towels, Swifters for mopping floor, Pledge, trash bags, hand soap,
very low on Cascade and dishwashing liquid because
had to use a lot as hand soap in downstairs bathroom, only
half a roll of Toilet Paper for me,
the $5.00 each that Peggy and Gerda now have for January have not
been spent by them yet as Caryn stated last meeting and neither the
supposed joint household money $30
or our checks from Rockville
Social Service
have not been received yet, Greg said because of the snow the RCs
could not deliver the Social
Services checks
due by the 7th.
When
did it change no
written notification of change,
is Melissa and the Team and Accounting and Terri aware of the change
that Gerda has made and when did Peggy start buying her own TP?????
Gerda
would be an excellent salesperson, she almost seems to hypnotize
people including me Very warm personality but like the little girl
who plays up to the teacher while digging her nails into another
girls arm. I can’t make any sense sometimes about her rapid
changes of personality and mood.
Jan
2 2010
Gerda
woke me up last night at 8:30 to remind to take out trash. She said
a few weeks ago that if she does not get to sleep by 9pm she has
terrible reactions from her meds vomiting, so why would she wake me
up just before she wanted to sleep since she knows when the RCs wake
me to take meds at 7:30pm I have told her that I have trouble going
back to sleep for hours?
Easy
to take out trash, I took in the recycle bins for her this week and a
few weeks ago in the rain and snow. And constantly pick up her cheese
wrappers on table, floor and by microwave and wash her scorched pans
and dishes so that they will be available for use, limited number of
pans and if held back day after day or for 2 weeks or a month on
stovetop not available for use and in order to avoid the leaning
tower of Pisa and smashed or cracked glasses and dishes go ahead and
load and unload dishwasher, often dirty dishes which would be solved
if they were soaked for a half hour.
Murphy’s
oil and new mop with bristles
for really getting floor clean, swifters are meant for upkeep.
Initial
investment – maybe come out of my money any left after tp not as
many paper towels as before so need rags – the free thrift stores
run by Interfaith might be a good way to get free rags, need for
rinsing after oven cleaner soaks oven and the grills, cleaning
corners and spills and paper towels could be used just for napkins
and counters.
Change
your Reality
Follow
this link for an excerpt from Ken's new book:
The Art of Transference - Healing Through Compassion.
http://www.kenpage.com/art_transference_bk/excerpt_promo.html
12-19-9
$71
Mom is allowed from Soc Security Check could pay for another visit to
her a month.
$48
one way from Dunsinane Ct. to Gladys Spellman near PG Hosp.
Give
Caryn info on Veterans
Life
to fax to GS
January
17, 2010, Sunday
Gerda
keeping oil
for
plantains on stove for weeks
– Guess Kari talked her out of it, the
first time
when had been left on stove over a month. A small, short glass was
cracked from the weight of dishes and pans that had been left on top
of the small glass when Kari helped us clean refrigerator and a large
size plate was shattered two days later when it was precariously
balanced on top of a huge stack of dishes when the plastic dish
drainer/holder was like the leaning tower of Pisa and Gerda would not
allow me to load or unload dishes. Said it was her chore, now both
loading and unloading and cleaning dishes and silverware that are put
with embedded food in drainer because gerda cannot stand to have
anything soaking in sink.
First
time I took shower,
later at night a half asleep Gerda apologized for moving mesh sponge
for showering but not for staying in bathroom when I would give her a
15 minute or ½ chance to get things from her (?) bathroom when I
wanted to take a shower. After half hour first time wanted to take a
shower and let Gerda know the timing so she could get what she needed
before I started, she was washing her head under BATHTUB faucet,
don’t know why, waited for a while and took shower and noted that
sponge had been moved usually wouldn’t mind but by then had been
noting Gerda’s possessiveness of her bathroom, the kitchen and the
whole house. Later she would be primping in front of the mirror
whenever I would tell her 15 minutes before I wanted to take a
shower. Stopped telling her when just shower but then:
Now
the hot water issue with Peggy. All the hot water belongs to gerda –
told her last week in the morning at the kitchen table that I was
about to take a shower and she said BEFORE ME???!!! So I let her
take her shower first rather than have a knockdown dragout fight with
slamming doors and major shouting that woke me more than a month ago
when Peggy had used all of “gerda’s
hot water”
and was naked so don’t know if gerda dragged her out of the shower.
Told
her last week that I was going upstairs to take a shower when we were
talking pleasantly at breakfast in the kitchen, used to avoid the
kitchen table now usually joins me and Gerda said in regard to the
shower BEFORE ME???!!!
Also
Gerda keeps rice in scorched pans soaking on stove for days and in
fact the day she complained in the house meeting that the pan and
potato masher I had just set to soak was in the sink now as evidence
that I did not keep kitchen clean but her rice stuck in pan had been
there overnight. Last 2 week have been throwing away the American
cheese wrappers that Gerda leaves on table counters and floor.
Terrible
argument when Peggy took shower and there was no hot water left for
Gerda to shower after Gerda had cleaned her bathroom.
Would
music every ten minutes for one hour from my Clock radio be as
offensive as the buzzer. Gerda listens to music for 45 minutes to an
hour before going to be and very loud when she is cleaning her (?)
Bathroom. Can’t be hypocritical say rules are for others and not
herself.
Too
nervous about making a mess even for a short while in kitchen to cook
the food I need with at least an hour to digest food while pots pans
and dishes are soaking. Many dishes cups and esp. silverware comes
out of the dishwasher with food stuck on it because they have not
been allowed to soak for a short proper amount of time.
Starting
to order me about again. Usually to come to her. Last time was
shout for me to come from kitchen while she sat like queen bee in
rocking chair in front of tv. Has happened too many times.
Potato
pan masher plate in sink for 15 minutes before meeting, GS told CZ to
look at that for an example of my poor housekeeping. (Kari
Jones mentioned my supposed problems with doing chores in the
treatment plan SLH RCs kept from me for four months)
If CZ had gone into kitchen would also have seen the pot that GS had
put a plate as lid on with the rice remains of the previous nights
dinner in pot on stove, she left it another day or two before
cleaning.
Happens
often that she keeps oil on stove for weeks at a time and rice
remains for days at a time and criticizes PW and I for trying to soak
dishes enough to get them clean enough for dish sterilizer.
Many
dishes and esp silverware comes out of Dishwashing machine with food
bits on them.
Wednesday, January 10, 2018
Gerda
stomping around repeatedly in boots when first moved in – still
stomps but not up and down stairs repeatedly.
Bellowing
intimidation tactics when first moved in pounding on door “Where
is the fire?” I
would ask when running down stairs after her
urgent bellowing
and she would just want help with computer or how to spell dinosaur
or some nothing thing. Once bellowed couldn’t hear what she said,
and when I went downstairs Gerda, in very nasty voice, told me to
get my things out of the
machine
because she wanted to use it
– the reason why she used the word machine
was because the
washing machine was free with
the lid open
and my clothes had just stopped IN THE
DRYER
and were still damp because I used the fluff cycle.
When
I called upstairs that they washing machine was free and my clothes
in the dryer were still very damp, Gerda came downstairs and tried to
stop me from using the regular cycle on the dryer until I finally
said ironically “I
have done laundry before, please
let me use the cycle I choose,
the clothes will be dry quicker and you can use ‘the
machine’”
Should have asked her why
she needed to use the dryer BEFORE she had washed her clothes
and the washer was free as she must have known. Intimidation
tactics.
Shock
and Awe and blitzkrieg
just after I moved in to establish her dominance after she had pumped
me for personal information about my family relations in the two week
trial period and was friendly at that time. She had told me nothing
of herself during those two weeks and was uncomfortable answering
questions but most people talk about themselves and I rarely get a
chance to talk. Gerda still asks exceedingly personal questions
which I sometimes answer before I think because when I come
downstairs she is often so friendly treats me like long lost friend
and I get enticed into her games.
Would
rather not have much conversation with Gerda, she plays constant
games for her agenda – asking me to fetch and carry fruit juice
when Greg was there to
make it appear we were the best of friends when gs was going after
Peggy.
Times her most friendly moments with me when RCs are due to stop by.
Noticed it later when she would sit down to eat something with me
and I would only be vaguely aware of RCs coming in. Moment I really
noticed it was when she asked me to fetch her some of that delicious
Passion Fruit juice
and held out her glass. We often exchange juice in the kitchen but
this was the only time she had tipped her glass at me while near
computer and talking to Greg.
Platforming
and DID – Dissociative Identity Disorder – multiple personalities
maybe not fully developed but seems something like that. Define plat
forming going rapidly from one alter – alternate personality to
another.
Feels
like she wants to obliterate my presence
A
few days ago when Sweta came for meds, brought down the few that
pharmacist gave
me.
Left package on table for a few minutes while talking to Sweta,
before I left dining
room
gs snatched the pharmacist bag and asked if I wanted her to throw it
away. I was
taken
by surprise and said I guess so.
For
more than a week, gs' pharm bag has been on the table in kitchen, I
finally put it by
phone
where it remains.
cheese
wrappers first time I tried to take a shower
toilet
paper game new and Kari kept asking gs if she really wanted to do it
that way, if she
was
really sure, asked her three times. Later when I mentioned that gs
wanted the upstairs
bathroom
for herself, Kari advised me to fight for use of bathroom. This was
just after
Greg
and Kari kindly pushed the second chest of drawers upstairs.
Day
Shannon appeared. How her name was written on chore list.
Martha
didn't like it here though she had the big bedroom. How long was
Martha here
before
gs moved in?
Just
after Caryn left after informing Peggy she had to move to an
apartment, gs came in
kitchen
gloating that she could not wait to move into Peggy's bedroom - when
she saw the
shock
on my face, I was thinking that gs continual provoking of Peggy and
outrageous
rudeness
to her and her campaign to get me to hate Peggy for minor thing was
because gs
coveted
the big bedroom so gs said to get me to go along with the deal, that
I would now
have
gs bedroom which had more room but I just thought that when the new
person moves
in
gs will barter my potential larger room for the cooperation of the
new person in treating
me
as a scapegoat as she treated Peggy.
Gerda
really unhappy when I asked Peggy if gs could go shopping earlier
with her because I
needed
time alone with my RC. GS gets to meet privately once a week with
Sweta but
somehow
I am not supposed to have any needs or rights.
Treats
me as a therapist sometimes, two weeks ago asked in surprise if I
were mentally ill
too
and I said what do you think I am doing here.
Scorching
the rice once a week, leaning tower of Pisa, broken dishes, oil left
on stove for a
month
then for two weeks.
Peggy
has a whole new personality. In the house meeting complimented gs
for playing dvd movies for her. Gerda is now being sweet and
friendly to Peggy and has started earlier than I thought on making me
the scapegoat.
Hear
the train coming.
Sitting
at the head of table where Caryn usually sits and Gerda rarely sits,
deep frown with sharp fingernail as she was tapping her chin and
glaring at door when I came in after having a cigarette on the deck
after I asked Peggy if Gerda could go with her at 11:30 to go grocery
shopping rather than at 3 pm when Caryn takes me grocery shopping as
Gerda had earlier asked and ignored my hesitation and had a look
of shock and outrage when I asked this of Peggy have been appeasing
gs so much that it did come as a real shock to her
PW
has said frequently that she
is afraid
of Gerda, then pauses and says that gs gets so angry when she doesn't
do chores right and I have said several times to Peggy when she
expresses this that I
am afraid of Gerda too.
Peggy
rarely confides in me, has never done anything to hurt me except for
banging pots
and
cabinets, very out of character for pw
All
the hot water for showering belongs to Gerda - Are you going to take
a shower BEFORE ME? Knock down drag out fight about a month ago
with shouting and slamming doors when asked what it was about a naked
Peggy said gs was angry because Peggy took a shower and used up all
the hot water gs had just cleaned bathroom and wanted to shower. Did
gs drag a naked Peggy out of shower. Very surreal.
Peggy
now says she can't remember what fight was about but most likely told
therapist Paula Weiss.
Gerda
brought home children’s book from library on bullying and left it
on top of book shelf in the dining room.
When
would ask if I could store my things in closet or drawers downstairs,
as recommended by Kari and Caryn, Gerda would either look away and
walk away or just stare at me making no response typical reaction
when I ask about anything concerning my needs – feels she owns
whole house.
Last
week was playing music full blast in basement which is a great
improvement over playing it full blast or very loudly for approx an
hour a night or when she is cleaning bathroom. Could not hear it
when I was upstairs and in
response to her question if music was bothering me
when I went downstairs to get some fruit juice that
I couldn’t hear it when I was upstairs.
15
or 20 minutes later she
came up and started playing her boom box type radio very loudly in
her
room
right next to the wall where I have my computer
for 25 minutes or so and was about to go lay down in finished part of
basement when she finally turned it off.
Game,
agenda.
Invasion
of privacy
almost constant when I first moved in - people with purposes know
when there purpose has been sufficiently obtained – cowing a new
housemate by constant abuse so as not to have an impediment to her
goal of obtaining Martha/Peggy’s room and general power mongering
with the ability to seem sweet as roses when RCs are here.
Growling
at Peggy “Why
do ask then.”
For a long while in nasty tone in response to a question by Peggy but
knowing I was listening when I reached into the pantry the low animal
type growl really unnerved me.
Giggling
in her room spoke of her torment by the voices and said that it was
scary to take meds that you need a once a week blood test for but
that if you were tormented by voices you would do anything to make
them stop.
Good
angel struggling with bad angel in the scary chapter on Sandra and
her wanting to kill Uncle Vincent for abusing her as a child and then
decides to torment him with threats of murder and make him wish he
were dead. Later said Sandra was her story when she was addicted to
Klonaphin and had a complete breakdown in Canada and the police took
her away.
Would
not mind listening to someone’s problems, she has listened to some
about my difficulties with mother and brother and their mental
illness but feel she rapidly cycles through various projections on to
me of people in her family who have hurt her and the
transference of this anger is more than I can deal with
neither of us have been seeing our therapists though she has spoken
of hating Patricia and is now back with her after telling me Paula
Weiss is a very nice person asked
if Paula were her therapist
and when gs said no
asked gently how she knew Paula would be a good therapist for me and
she said she had been seeing Paula but Paula
did something she didn’t like.
The
day I moved in gs said she had quit her job that day because she was
bored with it and there was not chance of mobility just going into
management. There was a message from Patricia and gs kept saying
over and over again to me that she hated Patricia – I spoke of just
this part, not the stomping around for hours, to Kari and asked Kari
repeatedly to try to help Gerda get another therapist since she
seemed to be such a bad match with Patricia.
I
think Gerda sees Caryn as the Grandma in the story that she is always
vying for approval from and has said that she wishes Caryn was her RC
because Sweta never takes her anywhere. Very strange to have sibling
rivalry forced on me with a young RC by gs.
I
am sorry that Gerda’s family treated her so badly but the people
who move into this house and the program have most likely been
damaged by their families and it is not fair to them or healthy for
Gerda to continue to get away with projecting her very serious issues
on housemates and making them pay and pay and pay for something some
other people did to her.
A
therapist needs to explain projection and transference to Gerda or
help me to find the words,
gs is interested in new things and the bullying book she brought home
was strange after Caryn assured me that if Gerda were bullying people
that Caryn would not be afraid to address the issue with Gerda but
seemed
to change next meeting
and said everyone has there own reality – I did not think to
mention that Gerda has confessed to being tormented by the voices
with the giggling and rapid talking in between, I
used to think Gerda had invited one or more friends over
which would be perfectly all right but when I would pass her room
when the door was open no one was there.
Used
to go to sleep listening to the giggling and sometimes would think I
should call someone to help her
but then would think she sounds happy at least unlike my mother and
later my brother when they were talking or shouting to imaginary
people so was very surprise when gs mentioned her torment.
Everything
I try or get she wants, though wasn’t speaking to me, was
very friendly to Bonnie when she came to visit the second week in
January with some clothes I was trying on, Gerda invaded my room
where I was talking to Bonnie without permission trying to take her
away,
would suddenly have to do her laundry when she would see me carrying
a basket of clothes downstairs or at sink in kitchen – many, many
kitchen and bathroom games.
Nothing
is ever enough for her even finally obtaining Peggy/Martha’s master
bedroom with private bathroom after so much hard work will be even
more unbearable in power mongering, bullying, game playing claiming
all of the townhouse as her own personal property, etc Would like RCs
to be especially alert when new woman moves in to her distress or
mine and to really listen to the reasons
-------------------------------------------
Notes
Caryn Zaner
Going
with Bonnie on Thurs 28th
to see Mom, ask to talk to Hetty
at Gladys
Spellman Rehab,
why hasn’t she responded to Caryn’s emails and calls about my
mother’s Veteran’s
Life Insurance. Hetty
said she was behind in work, apologized and asked Caryn to call her
the following Friday.
Just
the facts – the Truth is Powerful, Jesus said “I
am the Way, the Truth and the Life, and all
who are of the Truth hear
my voice.”
Ten
Commandments describing what loving your neighbor means and on a
basic level very specific about at least refraining from hurting
people – Thou
shalt not bear false witness against your neighbor
– Gerda’s smearing the reputation of housemates and driving them
out.
Thou
shalt not covet thy neighbor’s goods, Thou shalt not steal – one
of the base and basic motives of Gerda’s
incredibly brutal abuse of Peggy
was that Peggy
has the large bedroom
and shortly after Caryn left after telling Peggy she had to move into
an apartment because Peggy had complained repeatedly to Sweta,
Gerda’s RC and Caryn, Peggy’s RC about Gerda’s bullying and
abuse.
Peggy
and her Aunt Sally challenged this decision in a meeting with MINUTES
with St.
Luke’s House Program Director,
an official from Dept.
of Mental Health, Caryn Zaner,
probably Melissa
–
Caryn had told me to ignore Gerda and Peggy’s fighting that it did
not concern me. Gerda’s brutal hazing of me when I first moved in
then her best friend act esp just before counselors were due for
medication and having Gerda exploit me by constantly trying to turn
me against Peggy for trivial reasons and making use of me in obvious
way to show counselors that she and I got along fine.
Knew
I was in a precarious position but if anyone on the team had asked
would have tried to relate Gerda’s abuse of me and the abuse of
Peggy that I had witnessed and 3 weeks ago finally had a sit down
meeting with Caryn (she
had been helping me in many practical ways with Food Stamps, moving
expenses going to Germantown Social Services and grocery shopping)
and told her some of the abuse that I had suffered from Gerda, Caryn
at first reacted appropriately said that if I did not feel
comfortable in my own home she wanted to know about it and that
I should call her anytime even if it seemed petty
that she wanted to know and that if Gerda were bullying me she would
have no hesitation in standing up to Gerda.
The
next week complete flip-flop minimized all of Gerda’s actions, “We
are well aware of Gerda’s giggling in her room.”
Hours
of little girl voice giggling and rapid talking to imaginary people
and agreed to give Gerda the $10 from the separate household money
for Gerda’s personal use since Gerda buys her own Toilet Paper
Peggy had never mentioned buying her Toilet Paper separately but
Gerda told me to take some of Peggy’s off the shelf in Peggy’s
room when the household money was late in being received in January –
I have never invaded Peggy’s room and would not. Why does St.
Lukes accounting dept spend all that time holding back $30 for
household expenses instead of including the ten dollars in each of
our checks from SLH.
I
asked repeatedly
for my treatment plan
for about two months Oct Nov first part of Dec – Terri Reid, intake
and Paula Weiss, team therapist called me back and said that Melissa
Jacob
would be the one handling that, called her twice, Melissa never
returned my calls. When I
asked Greg Franklin if I had a right to my treatment plan
after getting an inadequate answer from Kari Jones on phone, he
jumped up and said “phew,
you have bad smokers breath.”
Earlier
had told me I would be healthier without smoking, Melissa told me
when Bernice drove me to townhouse for the first time in response to
my question about housemates and smoking, Melissa said that neither
Peggy or Gerda had ever said anything about it and it
wouldn’t matter if they did object because smoking is allowed
outside the townhouse and many people in the program smoke.
Why
does Greg suddenly need my Treatment Plan by Friday, and gave me his
number which was not on the RC list to call by Thursday – The
Treatment Plan was laying on top of medication in back of file drawer
where medication is locked and is dated 10/2009
to 5/2010 –
why
was I not given the treatment plan before.
It is not signed and I refused to sign without reading it, Greg said
he did not have time to let me read it – the Treatment Plan given
to me by my
therapist at FSA, Vicky Bailor,
was done in my presence a copy immediately given to me and though I
signed and initialed her copy, Dr.
Dorsika Brown
was kind enough to ask in the next meeting if I had been given a
copy.
Why
would counselors (RCs) give gobble-de-gook answers when asking for my
treatment plan months ago and why wouldn’t Melissa
Jacob
call me back when I called her twice 2 ½ months ago asking to
receive a copy of treatment plan.
Caryn
went over some of plan when she was looking at her laptop computer,
mainly my diagnosis and mentioned exercise and later getting involved
in Life Skills but though I asked again never received a copy and the
proof is that they have no signature on the plan.
Why the very sudden need for me to sign?
1/25/2010
4:35 pm
Not
able to buy Clonapazam prescription because after one month Healthnet
transferred to Aetna and Caryn waited on phone line for Aetna for one
hour and still did not get to speak to anyone. Medicaid
transportation to Doctors office was cut off after one month and
cannot find out why and have not been able to visit my therapist
Vickie Bailor at Family Services Agency.
FSA
is about as far away from Dunsinane
Court
as is the offices for the SLH
therapists in downtown
Silver Spring.
Have been using my cab coupons to visit my mother who is on a
ventilator at Gladys Spellman in PG County.
My
mother is able to communicate by mouthing words and pointing to
letters of alphabet on chart. Thank Congressman Van Hollen for
helping me and my mother when she was in Shady
Grove Hospital
and they did not want to put her on a feeding tube or vent and were
pressuring me for a do not resuscitate order when my mother was
unconscious in Shady
Grove ICU.
When she woke up after a few days she was not on vent but my mother
reiterated that she wanted all the medical help available and did not
agree to a do
not resuscitate.
My mother enjoyed her stay at Kensington
Nursing Home,
said the aides were very nice to her and liked the food but went
downhill after a cancer operation on her cheek at Bethesda
Naval Hospital
though they got all the skin cancer, my mother was discharged
immediately after the operation that I accompanied her to and I think
she should have stayed at least overnight but I realize that BNH is
caring for many of our wounded veterans.
I
rode with my mother to Holy
Cross Hospital
from Kensington
Nursing Home
3 times when I visited and my mother was unconscious or hallucinating
– paramedic said her breathing machine not working right – HC
accepted my mother all three times into ICU and did a heroic job of
saving her life, the third visit they did a tracheotomy but had
problems finding one of the 5 ventilator units in Maryland to accept
my mother since the Social Worker said her Medicare
had run out – Several people have asked how her Medicare could run
out and didn’t it start over again each year. Gladys
Spellman
was the first unit available.
Gladys
Spellman
and financial guardian lawyers, very traumatic two years and then
Gerda’s out of control, unchecked abuse.
Called
Congressman
Van Hollen’s
office when
Caryn stated that receiving our monthly checks were contingent on how
well we did the housework for inspection.
I had just moved in and was exhausted from going through 18 years of
stuff at apartment, artwork art supplies reference photos for months
and then rapidly packing and throwing things away for weeks, trying
to get moving expenses I had just moved in 2 or 3 days before and was
throwing things away and deciding which packed boxes I should take.
I
told Caryn that it was very illegal to base checks from SLH on
housework esp housework like cleaning windows and living room floor
that had not been done for a year, corners of kitchen which is
cleaned several times a week and downstairs bathroom were very
filthy.
I
had received a handwritten note from Terri Reid on Federal guidelines
for living expenses and letter notifying me from Dept.
of Treasury
that disability check SSDI would no longer be deposited to BOA Bank
of America
but would go directly to SLH and they
would provide living expenses.
Caryn said later she was only joking but Gerda said her demeanor was
not that of one who was joking.
Caryn
is new and some of the things she is being told to do by the
PepperTree Cluster Team don’t make sense. I kept telling Caryn
that basing our SLH checks on how well we did the housekeeping for
the yearly INSPECTION, esp. when I had just moved in and a lot of
things like the windows had obviously not been done for a year, was
illegal, she vocally objected while I was talking to the
Congressman’s office but later when
I told her what intake worker Terri Reid had said and written Caryn
said she didn’t know.
A
home is not a museum, I
said only
once
in reference to my making Cream
of Wheat
for breakfast the day of the inspection, Gerda objecting to my
messing up the kitchen, but since we did not know what time the
inspectors would come, I said that I didn’t think the inspector
expected us to fast/starve all day that this
was a home not a museum
but when Gerda brought it up at house meeting made
it sound like it was something I said all the time in response to
chores.
Gerda
did not want any dishtowels visible in the kitchen so I started
putting the dirty dishtowels in drawers – no longer able to afford
paper towels for the whole month esp. since Caryn agreed to break the
rules and the
30 dollars held out for common household supplies no longer applies
and that out of the $10 each held back Gerda and now Peggy were
buying their own toilet paper so they had $5 each left and I had only
$3.00 and some change because Caryn had bought very small rolls at
CVS instead of the usual house brand of Giant Toilet paper. Not
enough to get me through the month.
Running
water and a wash rag instead of toilet tissue = there is posted a
notice on hygiene above the kitchen sink – have very little money
to spend and someone should have told me that this holding back of
household money was taking place. I think Gerda persuaded Caryn to
do this and that it again is not legal – why
hold out $10 from each of us in the SLH check if we each are to spend
the money only on ourselves? We
need hand soap for the downstairs bathroom next to kitchen used
by everyone
and I
am not to use Gerda’s
toilet paper on the roll dispenser
but the one from the usual 8 rolls bought for the whole household
which this month does not apply. Also this is the month that I am to
do dusting and there is almost no Pledge left and I have only done
half the dusting. Have been discussing the low amount of Pledge in
weekly house meetings for several weeks but never bought more.
I
would like to see the receipts that are always kept in locked
medication drawer from Giant for the last few months on the cost and
brand of TOILET PAPER bought.
Gerda
has all she wanted from the household money and takes the tile and
groat cleaner and the plain Lysol and the Lysol with bleach and
leaves them in “her”
bathroom upstairs though she only cleans there once a week and the
kitchen, foyer and downstairs bathroom are cleaned and mopped by one
of us almost daily.
Melissa
never called back when I called about 2 months ago about receiving a
copy of my treatment plan which I still have not received and wanting
to discuss some issues about Gerda. Called Melissa twice after Terri
Reid
and Paula
Weiss,
therapist told me that Melissa was the one to call. Melissa has to
be aware of some of the abuse of housemates by Gerda. The records
for Shannon and Martha should also be checked by someone at DMH as
well as the minutes for the recent grievance meeting by Peggy and her
aunt. Heard Peggy on phone to Aunt Sally a few days after meeting and
Peggy kept saying, “Sally, that’s a lot of money.” Gerda said
Peggy told her that she has been in St. Luke’s programs for 27
years. Peggy will probably not be able to attend the Friday Social
Night or the Java Café Wednesday dinners that she has religiously
attended for 5 years when she moves to an apartment Caryn said that
it will be a different organization and SLH remains involved, doesn’t
just dump people - they remain involved for ONE MONTH – 30 days.
Woman
who led rally all that working fighting for decent shelter for
mentally ill, gerda is betraying that trust and so is SLH by allowing
Gerda to abuse housemates without limit There
should be a paper trail of testimony against the way Gerda abuses
housemates from the meeting within the last month when Peggy objected
to
being forced to move into an apartment because she finally started
fighting back against gerda’s abuse.
Gerda
seems to be in a more preferable demographic for SLH statistics.
Peggy and her Aunt Sally(91 years old) went to meeting with SLH
Program director, Caryn probably Melissa the supervisor for
Peppertree and a representative from Dept. of Mental Health so there
should be notes from that meeting on the abuse that Peggy has
suffered from Gerda, Peggy has been here four years and has the large
bedroom that Gerda was very gleeful about receiving when Caryn told
Peggy she had to move out after 2 months of fighting with Gerda and
Peggy usually ending up apologizing. Peggy
has told me repeatedly that she is afraid of Gerda and
now that Gerda is being very nice to her can’t remember the fight
about Peggy using Gerda’s hot water, knock down drag out fight with
Peggy with no clothes on so don’t know if Gerda dragged her out of
the shower.
The
people who did fight for the mentally ill to have assisted living did
not expect that someone like gerda would be able to claim the entire
house and abuse housemates at will both for power mongering and to
steal the large bedroom.
At
some point SLH will need to deal with gerda's abuse of housemates.
She obviously very skilled in bullying and intimidation of housemates
while putting on a sweet face for counselors. Melissa
would not let me discuss the severe problems Gerda has and the abuse
suffered by housemates with Paula Weiss, the team therapist
who is also Peggy’s therapist and was briefly recently Gerda’s
therapist unless
I
left FSA and a therapist Vickie Bailor who has been so helpful to me.
------------
Appeasement
doesn't work.
Gerda
has Performance art needs
too
much grandstanding my potato dishes less than an hour and her days
and weeks of
keeping
scorched
rice pans and oil
on stovetop.
Not that many pans to use.
Someone
to call when in distress with giggling, gerda admitted to me that her
torment from
the
voices is much more than I thought or Peppertree
team
realizes. Gerda needs more help, just a
phrase
RCs
can’t be there 24 hours
but when housemates complain or try to talk about gerda's distress,
it is brushed aside.
Good
things about Gerda many talents use them in an utterly selfish way at
the expense of other mentally ill housemates.
Who
convinced Caryn to buy “my”
toilet paper at CVS? Jerrell said it is a step above a dollar store
when
I told him I bought my now broken umbrella a few weeks old from CVS.
Are
we now each using our ten dollars not for the house but for each
individual?
Laundry Detergent was already individual expense. Reason for
Gerda's saying she would buy her own TOILET PAPER was new to Kari
when I moved in and now Gerda has convinced Caryn that the household
monies should be spent individually against what is in SLH manual and
after gerda repeatedly responding to Kari and Caryn that she wanted
to buy her own Scott's brand TOILET PAPER and would pay for it
herself “because she used so much toilet paper” in response to
Kari Jones and Caryn Zaner asking if she were paying for her own
Toilet Paper out of the household money. Gerda
would always add emphatically “No”
she paid for it her self and now inch
by inch
has convinced Peggy to buy her own Toilet Paper and both pw’ and
gs’ Toilet Paper comes out of the household money which is held
back for the specific purpose of all three housemates use for the
Whole household needs.
After
the very small eight rolls of Toilet Paper that Caryn and gs bought
me last Wed that go very
quickly,
thought of the song:
Whatever
Lola wants, Lola gets.
the song from Damned
Yankees
sung by a very selfish and disruptive woman.
Change
your Reality
Follow
this link for an excerpt from Ken's new book: The
Art of Transference - Healing
Through
Compassion.
http://www.kenpage.com/art_transference_bk/excerpt_promo.html
12-19-9
$71
Mom is allowed from Soc Security Check could pay for another visit to
her a month.
$48
one way from Dunsinane Ct. to Gladys
Spellman
near PG Hosp.
Give
Caryn info on Veterans Life to fax to GS
Sunday,
January 17, 2010
-----------------------------------------------
Gerda
Sejour Outline
Gerda’s
Bogus Complaints
Friday,
February
12,
2010
When
I woke up yesterday at 8:15 pm Gerda came downstairs and told me that
the board at the bottom of the glass doorframe to the porch had
“fallen
out”.
I looked at the bar of wood and pointed out that the metal bar in
the middle of the glass doorframe was in place and key turned and
also that I had placed the heavy, long screw in the drilled hole at
the top of door frame.
Gerda
lamely said that she thought
she
had placed the screw in – implying
that I had forgotten that as well,
but if she did and if Gerda was so worried about the bar of wood, why
didn’t she replace the wood as well as the screw she claimed to
have replaced
but only after I mentioned that I had done it and that the two lock
devices were enough and that Melissa had said when she was first
showing me around the house and we went out on deck, I asked if I
needed to replace the metal and wood bars each time I went out for a
smoke and Melissa said with Kari there that I could leave off the
wood bar during the day but I always use all three lock devices day
and night.
I
don’t think that Melissa knew about the long screw and hole at the
top, did not know myself until Gus,
the
handyman, used it one day without telling me, figured out why I
couldn’t open the door when I remembered that every window in the
bay window in the kitchen has a screw on a chain and is never used.
Haven’t opened the kitchen windows since warm days in Oct and Nov
and would turn the built in lock above the moveable part of the
window to lock it but if Gerda is so concerned about locks, why
aren’t the screws used as well in the kitchen?
Once
my brother had his bike stolen from our second story balcony, someone
had climbed up to steal it and down again with the bike.
GERDA’S
LONG TOILET PAPER GAME
INCLUDES
ATTEMPTS TO BLOCK MY USAGE OF “HER” BATHROOM EVEN FOR SHOWERS
All
three of us were given nice gifts by SLH for Christmas, (Peggy
was out),
showed Gerda the mesh sponge and two bottles of nice bath soap that I
had been given, after Caryn left went for cigarette, before I had
even latched the three locks, Gerda
asked if I wanted to trade,
told her to wait until I finished locking deck door.
I
was going to refuse on grounds of principle and not to set a
precedent, Gerda held up the very nice long and wide silky scarf she
had been given and turned up her nose (someone
knowing she likes clothes must have spent a little time thinking of
something she would like.)
(Guess my gift was a reminder to take shower since lack of personal
hygiene was mentioned in my Treatment Plan but Kari
Jones,
then RC, did not mention in Treatment Plan that Gerda stated at the
first house meeting that she wanted me NOT to use “her”
Toilet paper or the TP dispenser
– Racist? - and that Kari
had told me to fight for the upstairs bathroom that it did not belong
to Gerda
but I needed back up to fight gerda over a pattern that she has
established against SLH rules of blocking
access to common areas.
Did
Gerda do the same to Shannon
or other housemates gs has driven away as she recently did to Peggy,
someone needs to look at the Grievance meeting notes when SLH told
Peggy that she had to move to an apartment after she started fighting
back against Gerda’s incredible verbal abuse.
The
pattern on the scarf reminded me of a Russian pattern scarf my mother
loved so agreed to trade (Gerda
must really not
want me to take a shower, she said in defense of her asking to trade
that she loved hygiene things and did not have enough even
though every square inch of “her” bathroom is filled with her
expensive creams, ointments,
many mesh sponges shampoos, crème rinses, soaps etc. etc. etc.)
Keep
forgetting to take the scarf on the few visits I am able to make to
visit my mother, wonder if I should wash it first, though don’t
have to wear a gown and mask to visit her anymore the door down has a
patient with this requirement in sign on door, thought my mother
might like to hold the scarf and feel the very nice silkiness of it.
Greg
escaped w/o giving me the ten dollars household money for Toilet
paper and hand soap. The very small rolls from cvs went quickly and
Karen said I could use the rest of my $10.00 for TP. Suddenly Peggy
"decided"
to buy her own TP FROM HOUSEHOLD MONEY and now, if I understand it
right Gerda is buying her own TP FROM
HOUSEHOLD MONEY.
Kari and Caryn asked Gerda again and again if her making me use
separate TP not only the roll dispenser DID NOT MEAN that she would
not be contributing the 10 bucks to household needs INCLUDING TP.
Gerda grandfathered it she needs to be in sales in the meantime
I have no TP.
Why
should I have to be the one to use the TP in the upstairs bathroom on
the germ-laden
sink
rather than the built in TP roll dispenser intended for that purpose.
Told
Jerrell about some of this abuse and games of Gerda for the first
time last week and he decided not to get involved, Kari showed up for
meds the next day said no one would be there at night.
-------------
violating
trust of SLH esp bad at this time of budget cuts.
Hypocrisy
of Gerda:
15
minutes before House Meeting I finished eating a boiled potato
putting pan and potato masher and dish to soak and gs'
dramatic complaint inviting Caryn to go into kitchen and see
what gs meant by my leaving dishes and going upstairs to sleep for
hours (Caryn
did ask if I did come down later to clean dishes in sink and gs had
to admit that I did)
and later when Caryn was still here when I
went into to kitchen saw the scorched pan of Gerda’s that had
been sitting ON STOVE to soak with plate over it for a day and was to
remain two more days and
Gerda often before
and after this meeting and dramatic declaration with arm gestures
towards kitchen
would leave pans soaking ON THE STOVE - critical of those who use
sink however briefly to soak dishes so they will get clean and the
hot water of the dishwasher dish sterilizer just imbeds the food
deeper into cutlery esp but also dishes and overfilling the Cascade
holder in the dishwasher so that it pops open and has clumps of
detergent in cup and all over dishes.
I
told Gerda about the Washington
Post
story about toddler scooping some dishwashing detergent into his
mouth as his mother held him and rushing him to ER swollen mouth talk
of how poisonous eating dishwasher crystals is - saved a dish to
show Gus and told GS this story but she only agreed to stop using so
much Cascade when Gus told her that that was the problem.
Need
to soak dishes before putting them in rack Gerda is so hysterically
afraid of leaving dishes in
sink
Peggy and gs put
dirty silverware in rack
after just running them under water and they
come
out of the dishwasher cycle with food bits stuck even harder to them.
When I came for the trial two weeks the sink was always filled with
soaking dishes.
12
February 2010
I
am doing the dishes almost all the time now though it is listed as
Gerda’s chore.
---------------------------------------------
Feels
like GERDA wants to obliterate my presence
A
few days ago (end
of January)
when Sweta
came for meds, I brought down the few tablets that pharmacist gave
me. After giving the package to Sweta the Pharm package was on
table for a few minutes while talking to Sweta, before I left dining
room Gerda
snatched the pharmacist bag and asked if I wanted her to throw it
away.
I was taken by surprise and said I
guess so.
For
more than a week, Gerda’s own pharm bag has been on the table in
kitchen, I finally put it by
phone
where it remains. 2/7/10 - Gerda’s pharmacy bag is now on the floor
by phone table. Placed it back on phone table in kitchen – still
there - 2/12/10.
Gerda’s
American
Cheese
Wrappers and Dentyne wrappers everywhere. Cheese wrappers on kitchen
and now dining room table, on the floor, by the microwave, I have
just been picking them up as I clean counters
and
tables and mop floor
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Vickie.rtf
Friday,
February 12, 2010
GERDA
said the toilet was broken in upstairs bathroom. When I asked about
it she said there was not enough water pressure, when I asked if she
had used plunger she repeated that there was not enough water
pressure.
Two
of three bathrooms out in bad snowstorm.
Gerda’s
contempt and cruel behavior to Peggy who was having severe problems
day before yesterday with diarrhea and an overflowing toilet. I
helped her as best I could, we are out of plastic garbage bags since
Gerda’s games with the household money, Gerda said she had 2
plastic bags in her room but did not offer Peggy one, after Gerda
came up with a bag for the garbage pail in kitchen, I found a large
plastic bag in my room that Bonnie had given me to move, emptied it
and helped Peggy clean up her bathroom and put in the Depends that
Gerda kept complaining about the unbearable smell. It was not that
bad and Gerda did not want to open windows to air out house but shut
up about Peggy causing her distress by having diarrhea and wearing
Depends and the smell in Gerda’s room and downstairs from Peggy
keeping her door open. Gerda has bowel problems also from the
medication, mostly constipation. Put the plastic garbage bags on deck
since there will be no trash pickup till further notice.
Gus,
maintenance,
is coming early today to check Peggy’s broken toilet again and the
other upstairs bathroom toilet and the new washer that makes sounds
like an oncoming train then later when on spin like a jet taking off,
terrible noise for about 7 minutes. When I washed clothes 2 days
ago, there was a big puddle of water and the washing machine had
“walked” about 2 ½ feet from wall. Sometimes apartment washer
would “walk”
if load unbalanced but would not leak a puddle.
Many
mice running around to and from refrigerator. Exterminator boxes not
working, he left the boxes on January 19 and only one mouse looked
skinny and wasted from the poison.
Lora
DeVal said more snow expected Monday.
Gerda
had problem getting her meds today, Feb. 11. Metro
and Ride
On
not running though streets are cleared and used to run when snow had
stopped. Gerda said she slipped twice on ice when she called Kari
and Melissa for help getting her meds. Giant
Pharmacy
woman said she was leaving at 3pm and that if the replacement didn’t
show up the Pharmacy would close. Gerda is on very serious meds that
take blood test Clozapazine. Offered Gerda my cab coupons but said
she did not want to take them in case I had an emergency and needed
them. Suggested she call the SLH emergency number on the bulletin
board which lists problems with meds as a reason to call and Kari
called her right back, Gerda had been waiting for a while and had not
heard back from Sweta or Kari. Told Gerda that the ER number would
log the call so she was likely to get a more immediate response and
she did.
Cab
coupons were not in mail box though they usually come quickly and I
sent the check a few days before the due date of Feb. 9th.
We
did not receive our checks from the Rockville Social Services
on time, (still waiting) Greg made same excuse as last month, the
weather and SLH closed so no way for RCs to get the checks to
distribute. Lora said all three of the people in her townhouse had
received both checks.
When
I woke up at 8:15 pm Gerda came downstairs and told me that the
board
at the bottom of the glass doorframe next to the
deck/porch sliding glass door
had “fallen
out”.
I looked at the
bar of wood
and pointed out that the metal
bar
in the middle of the glass doorframe was
in place with the key turned
and also that I had placed the
heavy, long screw in the drilled hole at the top of door frame.
Gerda
lamely said that she thought
she
had placed
the screw in
– implying
that I had forgotten that as well,
but if she did and if Gerda was so worried about the
bar of wood,
why didn’t she replace the wood as well as the screw she claimed to
have replaced but only
after I mentioned that I had done it and that the
two lock devices
were enough and
that Melissa had said when she was first showing me around the house
and we went out on deck, I asked if I needed to replace the metal and
wood bars each time I went out for a smoke and she said that I could
leave off the wood bar during the day but I always use all three lock
devices day and night.
I
don’t think that Melissa knew about the long screw and hole at the
top, did not know myself until Gus used it one day without telling
me, figured out why I couldn’t open the door when I remembered that
every window in the bay window in the kitchen has a screw on a chain
and is never used. Haven’t opened the kitchen windows since warm
days in Oct and Nov and would turn the built in lock above the
moveable part of the window to lock it but if so concerned about
locks, why aren’t the screws used as well in the kitchen?
Once
my brother had his bike stolen from our second story balcony, someone
had climbed up to steal it and down again with the bike.
2/7/10
10:48pm
Snow
weekend
GERDA
scorched pan badly when making cream of wheat with milk, had on high
whole time, could see it burning orange while I was making saffron
rice on next burner at simmer which did not glow orange.
GERDA
doesn't seem to want to do dishes anymore. Peggy called to say she
would not be back on Sunday and probably not Monday.
Gerda
broke my lemon squeezer a while back offered to pay for it but I said
it was old so never mind..
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Shannon’s
visit.
You
mean you are going to take your shower before ME!!
Talking
to self in room at around 9:30 pm Friday.
Greg
escaped w/o giving me the ten dollars household money for Toilet
paper and hand
soap.
The very small rolls from cvs went quickly and Caryn said I could
use the rest of my
$10.00
for TP. Suddenly Peggy "decided"
to buy her own TP FROM HOUSEHOLD
MONEY
and now, if I understand it right Gerda is buying her own TP FROM
HOUSEHOLD
MONEY. Kari
and Caryn asked Gerda again and again AT EVERY SINGLE HOUSE MEETING
if her making me use separate TP not only the roll dispenser
DID NOT MEAN that she would not be contributing the 10 bucks to
household needs INCLUDING TP.
Gerda grandfathered it she needs to be in sales in the mean time I
have no TP.
Why
should I have to be the one to use the TP in the upstairs bathroom on
the germ-laden
sink
rather than the built in TP roll dispenser intended for that purpose.
-------------
violating
trust of SLH esp bad at this time of budget cuts.
Types
of books like HOW TO SWIM WITH THE SHARKS AND SURVIVE
businessman
difference radical between Reston workplaces and Mont County salt and
pepper
shakers establishing your dominance by deliberating breaking social
rules about
invading
other peoples space.
Felt
exploited by Gerda’s constant attempts to turn me against Peggy.
Gerda used some of the same
petty
arguments to Kari and Caryn - constant aggression (badjacketing)
smearing someone’s
reputation
seems to be second nature to Gerda.
should
have intervened and found out what was going on between Gerda and pw
because it
did
involve
me because
of the noise, bad feeling and the
fact that Gerda
had played some pretty
aggressive
intimidation games when I first moved in
and was starting
to test the waters
again
of what I would allow her to do.
Hypocrisy
of Gerda:
15
minutes before meeting I finished a boiled potato putting pan and
potato masher and dish to soak
and
Gerda'
dramatic complaint inviting Caryn to go into kitchen and see
what Gerda meant by my leaving dishes and going upstairs to sleep for
hours (Caryn
did ask if I did come down later to clean dishes in sink and Gerda
had to admit that I did)
and later when Caryn was still here when I
went into to kitchen saw the scorched pan of Gerda’s that had
been sitting ON STOVE to soak with plate over it for a day and was to
remain two more days and
Gerda often before
and after this meeting and dramatic declaration with arm gestures
towards kitchen
would leave pans soaking ON THE STOVE - critical of those who use
sink however briefly to soak dishes so they will get clean and the
hot water of the dishwasher dish sterilizer just imbeds the food
deeper into cutlery esp but also dishes and
overfilling
the Cascade place so that it pops open and has clumps of detergent in
cup and all
over
dishes. I told Gerda about the Washington Post Story about toddler
scooping some dishwashing detergent into his mouth as his mother held
him and rushing him to ER swollen mouth talk of how poisonous eating
cascade is saved a dish to show Gus and told GERDA this story but she
only agreed to stop using so much Cascade when Gus told her that that
was the problem.
Need
to soak dishes before putting them in rack Gerda is so hysterically
afraid of leaving dishes in
sink
Peggy and Gerda put dirty silverware in rack after just running them
under water and they
come
out with food bits stuck even harder to them. When I came for the
trial two weeks
the
sink was always filled with soaking dishes.
Gerda’s
American Cheese Wrappers and Dentyne wrappers everywhere. Cheese
wrappers on kitchen and now dining room table, on the floor by the
microwave, I have just been picking them up as I clean counters and
tables and mop floor.
Feels
like she wants to obliterate my presence
A
few days ago when Sweta came for meds, brought down the few that
pharmacist gave
me.
Left package on table for a few minutes while talking to Sweta,
before I left dining
room
Gerda snatched the pharmacist bag and asked if I wanted her to throw
it away. I was
taken
by surprise and said I guess so.
For
more than a week, Gerda' pharm bag has been on the table in kitchen,
I finally put it by
phone
where it remains. 2/7/10 -Gerda’s pharmacy bag is now on the floor
by phone table.
cheese
wrappers
first
time I tried to take a shower
toilet
paper game new and Kari kept asking Gerda if she really wanted to do
it that way, if she
was
really sure, asked her three times. Later when I mentioned that
Gerda wanted the upstairs
bathroom
for herself, Kari advised me to fight for use of bathroom. This was
just after Gregg and Kari kindly pushed the second chest of drawers
upstairs.
Day
Shannon appeared. How her name was written on chore list.
Peggy
said Martha didn't like it here though she had the big bedroom. How
long was Martha here
before
Gerda moved in?
Just
after Caryn
left after informing Peggy she had to move to an apartment, Gerda
came in kitchen gloating
that she could not wait to move into Peggy's bedroom
- when she saw the shock on my face, I was thinking that Gerda’s
continual provoking of Peggy and outrageous rudeness to her and her
campaign to get me to hate Peggy for minor thing was because Gerda
coveted the big bedroom so Gerda said to get me to go along with the
deal, that I would now have Gerda bedroom which had more room but I
just thought that when the new person moves in Gerda will barter my
potential larger room for the cooperation of the new person in
treating me as a scapegoat as she treated Peggy.
Gerda
really
unhappy
when I asked Peggy if Gerda could go shopping earlier on Wednesday
when Caryn takes Peggy grocery shopping because
I needed time alone with my RC.
Gerda gets to meet privately once a week with Sweta but somehow I am
not supposed to have any needs or rights.
Treats
me as a therapist sometimes, two weeks ago asked in surprise if I
were mentally ill
too
and I said what do you think I am doing here.
Scorching
the rice once a week, leaning tower of Pisa, broken dishes, oil left
on stove for a month then for two weeks.
--------
Peggy
has a whole new personality (for
a day and a half very aggressive, then back to timidity).
Peggy has said frequently that she
is afraid of Gerda, then pauses and says that Gerda gets so angry
when she doesn't do chores right
and I have said several times to Peggy when she expresses this that I
am afraid of Gerda too.
Peggy
rarely confides in me, has never done anything to hurt me except for
banging pots and cabinets, very out of character for pw
All
the hot water for showering belongs to Gerda – “Are
you going to take a shower BEFORE ME?”
I
woke up to a knock down drag out fight about a month and a half ago
with shouting and slamming doors when asked what it was about a naked
Peggy said Gerda was angry because
Peggy had taken a shower and used up all the hot water
Gerda had just cleaned bathroom and wanted to shower. Did Gerda drag
a naked Peggy out of shower. Very surreal. Even the hot water in
Peggy’s bathroom belongs to Gerda.
2/12/2010
Mentioned
this event to Jerrell one morning and he only kept saying “
Oh Wow!” then
stopped coming to give me Klonaphin in the morning shift.
Peggy
now says she can't remember what fight was about but most likely told
therapist Paula
Weiss.
The
Inspector
on December 2nd
was very upset at the
state of Gerda’s room,
spent a long time telling the two women he was training about what
was wrong said something to Melissa
Jacobs
like, clean it up. No one spoke to Gerda still two or three rows of
shoes around room, if she can afford so many shoes, coats and
clothes, why doesn’t she buy two or three shoetrees. The Inspector
came into my tiny room and said “This
is better.”
Melissa
had written on the first
chore
list for Inspection for Gerda to clean up clutter but version just
before the Inspection just had red
line
around the clutter on Peggy’s dresser, pw’s room is almost empty
and my room had laundry on the floor in the closet. Who has given
Gerda total immunity from any and all rules??
2
weeks ago, end of January, Melissa
finally bought two large plastic containers with rubber green tops.
There was a sticky on top that only said “GERDA”, Gerda offered
me one and I told her what the inspectors had said about the shoes
all around the room and Gerda said “well
I take it back then.” After
several days Gerda began very
noisily
dumping her many shoes and boots in the containers.
Date
of Inspection
– Dec. 2? Called Congressman Van Hollen’s office on Dec. 1st
and the letter to me from is office is dated the day I called after
dispute with Caryn who said she did not know about the minimum amount
given to clients and that it was not predicated on how well we do
housework that had been neglected for a year after very short notice
that the inspector was coming for his yearly inspection and I was
exhausted from weeks of packing and moving.
Give
Caryn info on Veterans
Life
to fax to Gladys
Spellman Rehab.
Gerda
keeping oil for plantains on stove for weeks – Guess Kari talked
her out of it – for a while. A small
glass was cracked and a medium size plate
was
shattered
when the plastic dish drainer/holder was like the leaning tower of
Pisa and Gerda would not allow me to load or unload dishes.
Apology
for moving mesh sponge but not for staying in bathroom when I would
give her a 15 minute or ½ chance to get things from her (?) bathroom
when I wanted to take a shower.
Also
keeping rice soaking on stove for days and in fact the day she
complained in the house meeting that the pan and potato masher I had
just set to soak was in the sink now as evidence that I did not keep
kitchen clean but her rice stuck in pan had been there overnight.
Last 2 week have been throwing away the American cheese wrappers that
Gerda leaves on table counters and floor.
Terrible
argument when Peggy took shower and there was no hot water left for
Gerda to shower after Gerda had cleaned her bathroom.
Would
music every ten minutes for one hour from my Clock radio be as
offensive as the buzzer. Gerda listens to music for 45 minutes to an
hour before going to be and very loud when she is cleaning “her
(?)”
Bathroom. Can’t be hypocritical say rules are for others and not
herself.
I
have been too nervous about making a mess even for a short while in
kitchen to cook the food I need with at least an hour to digest food
while pots pans and dishes are soaking. Many dishes cups and esp.
silverware comes out of the dishwasher with food stuck on it because
they have not been allowed to soak for a short proper amount of time.
I had been making a lot of toasted cheese sandwich so as not to leave
a mess for one second.
------------------
1/31/10
2:07 pm
Forgot
it was Sunday, went down to wash clothes around 11:30, Gerda almost
immediately took her basket down and said in her most intimidating
voice that it was her day. I apologized and said would start looking
up day before washing.
(My
clothes were on short wash, called Gus to report Peggy’s broken
toilet and continued problems with the washer.)
Gerda
has not used her intimidating voice on me for a long time, mostly
silence and she does continually abuse Peggy but with a lower voice
and stops and leaves when I enter room. Felt bad that I did nothing
to help p when she was suffering all that concentrated abuse so that
gerda could have her room.
Wonder
if the meeting with Aunt Sally, p, cz, Melissa, Prog dir and rep from
Dept of Mental Health was recorded or if they had a secretary with
shorthand take detailed minutes. Peggy usually talks on phone to
aunt sally upstairs in her room but when I was doing the dishes, she
kept saying “My
God, Sally that is a lot of money.”
Got the impression that SLH told Sally that unless she wanted to dip
into her savings to paid for Peggy’s 4 year stay here that they had
better not continue to press the grievance at Peggy being forced to
move because she finally started fighting back against gerda’s
abuse.
I
am not allowed to use the toilet paper dispenser
in the only bathroom with a shower because….Gerda buys her own tp
and now Peggy buys her own though that has never been mentioned to me
in a meeting or anywhere else where GS said she was buying her own tp
and Kari and Caryn the RCs repeated asked Gerda if she would still be
using
the ten dollars that accounting holds back for
joint household needs
and Gerda would say yes.
what
if felt like to go a month tp insecure. What if a white woman told a
black woman in SLH
residential program
that the black woman could
not
use the joint bathroom toilet paper dispenser
and had to put the black woman’s toilet paper on a germy
sink???!!!. Certainly would sound like racism. Reverse racism, no,
just racism.
Even
Congresspersons and Senators use TP maybe they could imagine how they
would feel if it were done to them or if they have a vulnerable
relative in a mental health program and this incremental
sales /grandfathering in
the 10 dollars each that SLH Accounting Dept. holds out for household
needs total of 30 dollars a month is now with no warning 10 dollars
given to gerda, 10 dollars to Peggy and 3 dollars to me because Caryn
made a special trip to CVS to buy small rolls of tp when we always go
to Giant and
buy much larger Giant brand tp rolls and the
paper towels were from Giant.
Gerda
is still studying driving manual has been for over a week, not
working on her writing or other studying, told her she should take a
break to do something more fun but said she wanted to take the
drivers license exam next week. Wonder who will take her there and
whose car she will use? I hope someone gives her a car and she can
spend more time outside the townhouse so that I could get to the
artwork and putting together my portfolio for Eric SLH and Radner
Museum.
Wild
Horses series was done as exercise from Nicoladi book, like finger
exercises for a pianist or barre exercises for a dancer.
I
called Bonnie while waiting for clothes to finish washing, longer
talk than usual and Gerda was nice again after finished conversation
with Bonnie.
Bonnie
said Laura, the woman who has been giving me her daughter’s clothes
from before she lost weight, wants me to give her art lessons, Bonnie
said Laura is now painting a Kinkaide type painting and can do a
painting in about 8 hours, wonder if it is from a video or book of
instruction on how to paint a certain picture, with Laura’s work
with the priest on the stained glass windows (stencil?) for the
Tuesday Mass at the
Lutheran Retirement Village,
it sounds like she already has a lot of experience with art but
Bonnie said not really.
Laura
said that the Russian Impressionism show was not at the Strathmore
but Radner
and that it was not impressionism but religious art. Think maybe
Laura wants someone to talk art with esp. religious art. She really
liked the painting that I gave to Bonnie as a Christmas gift.
Bonnie's birthday is June 18 just after Flag Day.
---------------------------------
2/7/10
10:47pm
Talk
about the trouble I had receiving a glimpse of my treatment plan.
Predated by quite a bit should not have signed when I noticed the
date was filled in 2 ½ months before I had a glimpse of plan, cz
gave me a copy of “signed”
Treatment plan but was electronically signed by those at slh and my
signature page was missing.
Kari
has twice woken me from deep sleep and keeps saying come on come on
are you coming before can get circulation in legs it is dangerous to
have to hurry down long circular flight of stairs, when I felt woozy
after took klonaphin and leaned against wall Kari asked if was
alright.
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