GS notes distribute 2011

[REPRODUCTION OF TWEETY PIE AND POOR SYLVESTER – “that bad puddy cat” who gets caught reacting to Tweety Pie’s immense provocations but the woman of the house only sees Sylvester’s response not what preceded it.]

Housemates

Gerda Sejour 27 years old, from Haiti, not U.S. citizen, not able to vote

Margaret (Peggy) Wyss early 50s

Linda Leonard, myself, 50s, U.S. citizen, born at Bethesda Naval Hospital, Democrat, have voted in every election since McGovern.

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Shannon, Wanda Lee. Margaret Sullivan and Martha were previous housemates of Peggy and Gerda.

RCs Rehab Coordinators or Counselors

Kari Jones was my RC from about mid October to about mid nov 2009

Presently Caryn Zaner for Peggy and myself and Sweta for Gerda, Greg Franklin was recently Peggy’s longtime (?) RC

Melissa Jacob – Supervisor for Peppertree Cluster Residential Program

Gerda - blitzkrieg of Brutal Hazing when I first moved in, told me she was Jehovah God and paper to clear dishwasher is signed Jehovah God!!!, or Jehovah Gerda!!! – Toilet Paper game, kitchen and shower games, (blocking common areas of house) vicious verbal abuse of Peggy and myself. Very DANGEROUS disregard of safety in using stove, ie overflowing boiled milk that she does not clean off burner, scorched rice or couscous average of 3 or 4 times a week, leaving used oil on tipped burner covers, does not care if burners smoke from spilled oil, first time left pan with oil for a month, Kari made her throw it away when KJ was helping with cleaning refrigerator, second time for two weeks until it spilled on burner AND I POINTED OUT THE SMOKING BURNER to Gerda. Leaving scorched rice and water on stove burners or stacked covers for 1 to 6 or 7 days or longer. Leaving dishes in racked stacked so high that glass at bottom cracked or dish precariously perched on top smashed.

The systemic carelessness using stovetop most dangerous to Gerda, herself, and housemates, also to people living on either side of our townhouse and to the mentally ill living in community – many people object and if people are injured or die because of the complete lack of real oversight of Gerda’s behavior could certainly affect the willingness of homeowners to have group homes in their neighborhood.

Gerda presents a physical and psychological threat to housemates and I believe there is a paper trail proving the evidence I present in this document from other complaints about Gerda, Most recently from housemate Peggy Wyss. I am willing to go on the record with the things that I have experienced and witnessed Gerda do to myself and Peggy and believe that because Peggy and her Aunt Sallie met with the St. Luke’s House Program Director, Peppertree Cluster supervisor, Melissa Jacob, RC Caryn Zaner, and a representative of Dept. of Mental Health that this was a grievance on the abuse that I observed Peggy suffer from Gerda for several weeks.

Abuse of Peggy is ongoing but there were a few weeks when Peggy was sometimes fighting back sometimes offering groveling apologies, once only slamming every dish and pan when Peggy was putting dishes away and I have been that angry at Gerda’s abuse of myself.

When Peggy and Gerda were complaining to their RCs Sweta and Caryn for several weeks of active stage of Gerda’s war on Peggy and esp. before the grievance meeting, why did no one at SLH ask me if I had witnessed abuse of Peggy or EXPERIENCE ABUSE FROM GERDA MYSELF instead Caryn told me to ignore the fights between Peggy and Gerda because it was not my business, had nothing to do with me.

It is horrible to watch the abuse of a timid person by a bully and Gerda had done incredible, brutal intimidation of me when I first moved in partly to intimidate me from interfering in Gerda’s successful attempt to take Peggy’s room which is the very large master bedroom and after Caryn Zaner told Peggy she would have to move into an apartment, Peggy was very depressed, (Peggy and her 91 year old Aunt Sallie filed a grievance and held meeting at SLH with representative from Dept. Mental Health who said that Peggy could not be forced to move until there was an apartment available near her aunt who takes her weekly to see her mother in Kensington Nursing Home) Gerda came into the kitchen gloating about now possessing Peggy’s room Gerda said she could hardly wait to move into Peggy’s room, when GS saw the shock on my face GS said “Now you can have my room which is bigger than yours.”

I could just imagine Gerda bartering “my new room” to new housemate as to induce her into smearing my reputation as Gerda spent much energy smearing Peggy’s reputation to me and Caryn and I believe the other RCs.

When first moved in Gerda began pounding on my door, similar to firemen when warning residents of fire, to let me know RCs were here for meds. Last time felt like I had a heart attack. Gerda would bellow for me and when would run downstairs asking “Where is the fire?” GS would say in intimidating voice, “Get your stuff, out of the MACHINE, I want to wash my clothes.” Went downstairs, the washing MACHINE was empty and my clothes were in the dryer. GS would also bellow for me, when went downstairs would ask nonsensical question or ask for help in formatting her stories on her word processing program. Constantly pushing the envelope to see how far she could go to get me to react. Gerda told me her sister’s name was Linda when I first moved in just after Gerda told me that she was Jehovah God and waited for my response.

2/25/2010 5:50 PM

Yesterday, 3 hour house meeting. Gwen, trainee, sat in on meeting. Caryn asked me to leave the table when I complained about dirty dishes and other things Gerda has done. Have spoken alone with Caryn about a meeting between myself and Gerda about the problems from Gerda’s games. Every week, Caryn tells me something different probably in response to team meetings. Caryn spent 3 hours with Gerda with me banished after I spoke for 2 minutes for two hours, and later after Gwen left 45 minutes with me in kitchen, Gerda immediately came in did most of the talking and Caryn threatened to leave every time I spoke more than a few words. Have told Caryn in the past that she needs to look at the totality of the systemic abuse of housemates by Gerda who can lamely but persistently explain away one incident or 5 incidents or even 10 incidents but when the abuse reaches 20 incidents a pattern begins to form that no objective person could possibly miss but Caryn wants to limit any discussion to one or two incidents.

Caryn was supposed to meet with me once a week to work on recovery, budgets, problems, goals, etc. but usually spend time in a rush shopping for food and Gerda for many weeks would ask if she could tag along and Caryn would hurry us through shopping.

Found out later that Caryn was taking Peggy shopping on Wednesday morning and then meeting with Peggy for an hour to discuss problems. Gerda was very upset when I asked her a few weeks ago to go shopping with Peggy so that I could have some time with my RC alone.

First meeting alone with Caryn about 5 weeks ago in finished basement. Gerda listened in on one of my first intimate discussions with Kari Jones, first RC, saw Gerda in kitchen hunched over table with lights out when I went for a cup of tea when meeting was over, Kari had asked Peggy at the beginning of our meeting to go upstairs so that we could have privacy to talk.

Caryn said that I should not feel uncomfortable in my own home because of a bully and should call her with problems however petty they seem. Caryn almost never calls me back and have called her very few times. Next meeting, at McDonalds at my request, Caryn changed her tune and kept telling me that I did not want to be petty like her meaning Gerda. And that she and Sweta, Gerda’s RC, were not going to go back and forth on our differences the way they did with Peggy and Gerda during Gerda’s all out war on Peggy.

Caryn asked if I would agree to meet alone with Sweta, Gerda’s RC and Caryn to discuss problems with Gerda and then Sweta and Caryn would meet with Gerda alone, then all three of us would meet together and Caryn asked if I thought that I was strong enough to hear the things Gerda had to say about me.

I said I wanted to meet with the TEAM therapist Paula Weiss who has seen Peggy and Gerda though Gerda is now back with Patricia as her therapist to try to find out how to handle Gerda’s projecting onto me her family problems and how to handle the hours long very loud giggling in her room. Through Caryn, Melissa decided I could not meet with Paula Weiss but SLH would be happy to do the paperwork so that I could see a therapist and psychiatrist at SLH.

At that time I refused but after the Feb 5 meeting with Vickie Bailer was cancelled and I found out that it is an hour by bus to SLH Silver Spring therapy office and two hours by bus to Gaithersburg FSA office, I asked Caryn if I could see a therapist at SLH and continue to see Dr. Brown because I was desperate for someone to talk about problems with Gerda and advice on handling situations. Caryn said she thought so but next time I saw her Caryn told me to make another appt with Vickie on a Friday and Caryn would drive me.

Caryn denied the next meeting that she had suggested that Sweta, Caryn and I meet alone and then another time together with Gerda without me present but that Gerda and I should meet together with Sweta and Caryn present and Melissa if I wanted with no preparation. I said I did not think it was a good idea because I was very angry and needed to discuss with someone how to talk about the outrageous things Gerda has done and that Gerda was currently having her medications changed and I did not want to interfere with her recovery and that I needed help in expressing to Gerda some of the things she was doing to upset me since they were so extreme found it hard to articulate.

(3/4/2010 10:23 AM) Yesterday Caryn told me I could use my alarm clock to wake up for the twice daily medication visits by counselors, I told her that Gerda would complain and Caryn finally said “Well, then, Gerda will just have to complain.”

Caryn has almost always sided with Gerda, at one of our first meetings, Caryn told me not to use my alarm clock because I hit the snooze button too often and it bothered Gerda, later I spoke to Caryn about Gerda’s playing very loud music at various times during the day and as in so many things Caryn said, “I didn’t know that.” In car coming back from grocery shopping with Gerda in the back seat, two months ago, I asked Caryn if I could set the music alarm that it might bother Gerda less but when I mentioned it to her that Gerda walked away and refused to answer me and before Gerda had a chance to respond, Caryn started making excuses for Gerda saying even music with the snooze button would bother Gerda.

At first meeting with Gerda, Caryn, who is not officially her RC, returned Gerda’s story SISTERS to her, complimented her and told Peggy and I that we had a writer in the house. It was same house meeting that Caryn sided with Gerda on alarm clock or other issue and told me to stop talking. I am a very quiet person and Caryn’s constant response is to say she will walk away if I don’t shut up. If Caryn had enough time at the house meeting to discuss Gerda’s writing, Caryn had enough time to hear my viewpoint on important issue. Gerda has said repeatedly that she wants Caryn as her RC not Sweta but Caryn has almost always always sided with Gerda and told me to be quiet when I try to present my viewpoint. Whenever Peggy’s alarm would go off at the beginning of meeting, Caryn and Gerda would tell me to shut off my alarm, even though I told them both it had been months since I had set my alarm since it bothered Gerda so much.

So my anger finally popped out yesterday, mentioned only four problems, the dirty dishes (AFTER dishwasher cycle because loaded without soaking or washing off crusted food) , briefly about Gerda’s abuse of Peggy particularly regarding putting away dishes, Gerda breaking the SLH rule on blocking areas of common access in particular the bathroom and making me use toilet paper on the germy sink counter rather than on toilet paper dispenser and blocking my use of shower and Gerda’s constantly walking away when I would ask Gerda any question regarding my interests even when I had spent 45 minutes or more listening to Gerda’s interest, in this case when in the morning Gerda took her shower and what would be a good time to take my shower.

Neither Caryn nor I should be dealing with Gerda alone, we need the help of a whole team who is willing to hear SOME input from me but the St. Luke’s House Peppertree Cluster is a team in name only, and Gerda is a very charming personality when she wants to be.

Meeting last week - After two hours of talking to Gerda and Peggy alone, sounded like Peggy left and was talking to herself and crying upstairs when I was in kitchen, Gwen left after two hours saying, “I can’t take this anymore.” Caryn came in kitchen and with Gerda present I told Caryn again about some of the dangerous things Gerda does in kitchen, specifically leaving pan of oil on stove for weeks which sometimes spills on electric burners which smoke, Gerda denied leaving pans on stove for more than a day or so and complained about my leaving dishes in sink to soak for a few hours while I went upstairs to sleep (I often work on my computer and read but Gerda constantly refers to this as ‘sleeping”), Caryn equated this with my complaint of Gerda leaving dishes stacked in rack until it is 2 feet high when Peggy goes to stay with her aunt two days a week and the smashed dish someone precariously balanced on the top and broken glass from the weight of dishes.

I said that leaving dishes to soak in the sink for a few hours is not dangerous whereas broken, smashed dishes are dangerous. Also mentioned scorched pots of Gerda’s and GS leaving pots soaking on stove for days or weeks. Gerda denied leaving pots of rice, couscous or crème of wheat for more than a day or two but continued to complain that I went upstairs to sleep FOR A FEW HOURS before washing pots that I had used AND NOT SCORCHED.

Gerda denied blocking my access to taking a shower made excuses why she was still in bathroom after I would tell her I would like to take a shower in 15 minutes, she has door open and is primping when I come back after 15 minutes. Gerda did a whole razzmatazz number on why she was still there and Caryn asked if Gerda could see why I felt the way I did when Gerda was still in bathroom REPEATEDLY after 15 minutes, Gerda denied doing it more than once or twice.

THEN, a classic ploy of Gerda’s:

Gerda said she takes her shower at 8 am when I am sleeping so it doesn’t bother me (I have never said Gerda’s showering bothers me and cannot even hear shower from my room). That since I like to stay up late at night that I should take my shower when Gerda goes to sleep. I said Gerda goes to sleep between 8 and 9 and sometimes 10 if she is watching a movie and I had no way of knowing when Gerda was asleep and wanted a particular time when I could take a shower. Caryn and Gerda pressured me to take my shower when Gerda was asleep.

Gerda told me a few months ago that though she is 27 (sic) years old she has to be asleep by 8 or 9pm or she has bad reactions to her medication and begins vomiting and she does have noisy dry heaves throughout the day which have remained steady. Gerda would often get up at night for 10 minutes or so leaving hall light on to get water, for a while I would be afraid to breathe after 8 or 9pm and recently Gerda has been knocking loudly on Peggy’s door around 10:30 pm very upset by Peggy’s alarm which I cannot hear but Peggy said she did set her alarm for 10:30 pm but did not say why.

Gerda in her demonstration in the kitchen pressured me to take my shower at 10 pm when Gerda said she would be asleep and it would not bother her. I said I did not want to take my shower at 10 pm Caryn put a lot of pressure on me to take this “deal” and pressured me to tell her why I did not want to take my shower at 10 pm since I am a night owl and it would be a great deal since I could shower for as long as I like and splash around from 10 pm to 8 am I would have the shower all to my self. I was struck dumb and later remembered that I had told BOTH Gerda and Caryn recently and more than once that I have a terrible time with my sleep patterns and that it was number one on my Treatment Plan with my therapist Vickie Bailer and that I spent months keeping track of my unusual sleeping schedule and that Vickie and I were going to make a chart but this effort got lost in the move I had to make from my apartment but that we would be trying again. The night before I spoke with Gerda about her taking Ambien and that I heard it was mild and that I would ask Dr. Brown about possibly taking it to help with sleeping at night.

Caryn finally started encouraging me to go to Life Skills and I would need to get up early and I hope get a good nights sleep. I do not have a hair dryer and if I sleep with wet or damp hair have severe sinus problems. The logical question for Caryn to have asked would have been what time I wanted to take my shower and I would have said early to late afternoon. Gerda said she takes a “little bird bath” before she goes to sleep in addition to her showering in the morning. And the strong implication was that if I took my shower anytime before 10 pm I would interfere with Gerda fixing her hair or her little bird bath. So my needs once again came last and Caryn sided with Gerda not me.

Friday, February 12, 2010

GERDA said the toilet was broken in upstairs bathroom. When I asked about it she said there was not enough water pressure, when I asked if she had used plunger she repeated that there was not enough water pressure.

Two of three bathrooms out in bad snowstorm.

Gerda’s contempt and nasty behavior to Peggy who was having severe problems day before yesterday with diarrhea and an overflowing toilet.

I was in kitchen went in foyer when heard Gerda say to Peggy that Peggy had feces all over her and to go upstairs and shower and change her clothes. Peggy was upset and asked for help and I followed her upstairs, Peggy was wearing jeans and I did not see feces. Gerda kept up a running commentary about how much Peggy and her room stank and how inconsiderate Peggy was for leaving her door open and that it stunk so bad, she, Gerda could not stand to stay upstairs, just outside Peggy’s room there was a smell not that bad in the hall worse in her room but not unbearable. I did not smell it at all later in my room or on the stairs or in the living room. I helped Peggy as best I could, we are out of plastic garbage bags since Gerda’s games with the household money – as you can see from the envelope, Caryn let Gerda divide the money instead of spending it on household items which is the reason that HHS does the accounting work to hold it out. There was $10 left from January to buy garbage bags, swifter mop heads to wash floor and hand soap and toilet paper for the downstairs bathroom but it was not spent until early February because this money now “belonged” to Gerda and Peggy not the joint household needs.

Gerda said she had 2 plastic bags in her room but did not offer Peggy one, after Gerda came up with a bag for the garbage pail in kitchen, I found a large plastic bag in the basement around one of my portfolios that Bonnie had given me to move and helped Peggy clean up her bathroom and put the Depends Peggy had placed in small beige grocery bags in large garbage bag and put on porch. Gerda kept complaining about the unbearable smell, it was not that bad even in Peggy’s room and Gerda was sitting in the living room downstairs complaining again and again

complaining again and again

complaining again and again

complaining again and again about the unbearable stink from Peggy’s room.

Gerda did not want to open windows to air out house but finally shut up about Peggy causing her distress by having diarrhea, stinking up the house, and wearing Depends after I mentioned twice that we could open the windows for 15 minutes to air it out. GS said I was used to going out on the porch to smoke when I told her it was chilly but not bitter cold and Gerda could have relief from her vapors.

Gerda has bowel problems also from the medication, mostly constipation and solicits sympathy by asking me each time she gets meds to lift the heavy package of liquid that Gerda takes each month. Gerda said she was going to complain to Peggy’s psychiatrist since Peggy would not ask for medication to help with her diarrhea. I put the plastic garbage bags on deck since there will be no trash pickup till further notice due to the snowstorms.

Gus, maintenance, is coming early today to check Peggy’s broken toilet again and the other upstairs bathroom toilet. Many mice running around to and from refrigerator. Exterminator boxes not working, he left the boxes on January 19 and only one mouse looked skinny and wasted from the poison.

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RC’s refusal to give me a copy of my treatment plan, though I repeatedly requested it in Oct and Nov then gave up.

10/09 to 5/10 my six month plan and I just got to see it briefly with Greg on Jan 25, 2010. Caryn read it to me, with the Plan placed sideways on table at McDonalds and promised me a copy of Treatment Plan on Jan 27 2010 with signatures.

How am I supposed to fulfill my goals for this 6 month period – which Caryn mentioned was a contract - if I don’t know what they are for almost 4 months?

Caryn said that Kari Jones made up the Treatment Plan and signed off on it electronically. Caryn said that she and Kari were jointing working with me through most of November when I asked when Caryn Zaner had begun as my RC.

When I tried to take notes on her explanation of Treatment Plan and asked questions, Caryn said no one forcing me to live there and if I don’t trust counselors or won’t take meds as they say even though contradicts what psychiatrist wrote, then no one was forcing me to live there.

TRUST

When I went to sign on Jan 27 2010, the date had already been filled in with bright blue ink 11/14/09 NOVEMBER 14, 2009 – repeatedly asked Kari, Greg and called Melissa twice in this time period to request my Treatment Plan, evasive or no response.

When Caryn gave me a copy of the Treatment Plan that she said would be signed, it was electronically signed by SLH personnel but the page that I signed by hand with the bogus (illegal) date was missing.

I also asked Caryn on Jan 27, 2010 for the Comar monthly notes on progress which according to the SLH Manual, I am entitled as a resident to receive upon request, Greg just said no one had ever asked for them before so he didn’t know anything about it. Greg Franklin kept pressuring me to sign without reading Treatment Plan but I refused and said, “If I haven’t read it or received a copy how can I sign off that I received my Treatment Plan?” (Feb. 25 still have not received Comar notes or requested information on which agency receives the signed copy of my Treatment Plan other than SLH)

Greg said to call him by Thursday, Jan 28 because it had to go in by Friday, Jan. 29, 2010 after Caryn went over it with me on Wednesday Jan 27.

Last time saw Greg he told me how hard Caryn had worked to get me insurance which will take effect in 30 to 60 days. She called and told me how long she had been on hold at Aetna, Healthnet dropped me after one month though presumably paid when I only had to pay $1.00 in December for Clonazepam at Giant, usually $26, before that Rite Aid and CVS said it was $58. Walmart said they had never heard of Healthnet’s Green Letter and pharmacies refused to take it, was issued Healthnet card Oct 2009.

I am very grateful for the benefits that SLH has gotten for me but how much abuse can I take from Gerda in response, esp. when she is smearing my reputation as she did with Peggy who is being forced out after 4 years after complaining of Gerda’s abuse and most likely Shannon and Martha before me.

RC Caryn said in meeting 3 weeks ago at McDonalds that Peggy has her opinion of me and so does Gerda and later same meeting said you should hear what Gerda says about you. At that time Caryn said I could meet with Team Therapist Paula Weiss, later said Melissa said they would help me with paperwork but unless I signed on to see SLH therapist and psychiatrist could not see Team Therapist Paula Weiss, even though I love my therapist and doctor at FSA and was told by Melissa in front of Terri Reid, intake worker that I could keep them.

I have told Caryn several times that it is not a good idea to throw me and Gerda in a meeting about our “disputes” with no preparation even though Gerda is experiencing tremendous medications changes, Clozaphine which takes a blood test every week and seems to be working to stop the little girl giggling voices for hours but which has caused Gerda to fall once, I helped her up, and causes her to complain of extreme fatigue, drooling and is being taken off three of her Zyprexas in the morning and other strong medications. But although Gerda seemed to be helped with her voices from the Clozaphine, Gerda still abuses Peggy Wyss and plays games with me.

Even though Caryn said Melissa would be present if I wanted, said at first McDonalds meeting that she, Caryn Zaner and Sweta, Gerda’s RC would meet with me and Gerda privately then have a joint meeting, the next meeting said she (Caryn) never said that and the meeting would go forward without private meetings – like a cockfight, don’t want to upset Gerda’s recovery on new meds and I mentioned to Caryn would like to know Gerda’s complaints about me first but Caryn would not tell me though she and Sweta went back and forth in Gerda’s 3 month war on Peggy.

Peggy would call me into her room while Gerda was making war on her, lying in bed facing away in very weak and listless voice would ask Sweta to meet with her when Sweta came for meds. Peggy is a very quiet, timid person who stays in her room most of the time but Gerda recently convinced Peggy that pw was “too loud” and Peggy said “I know I am too loud”, she is the quietest person I have ever met, shuts doors carefully and silently. Gerda clomps around in her square heeled boots or plastic clogs, plays boom box music loud while Peggy and I tiptoe around in stocking feet. When Peggy said this after Gerda had been yelling at her with Peggy apologizing Peggy said that she had been cursing earlier and that she hated that and mentioned “the loneliness.” Then Peggy didn’t seem to want to talk further.

I think Sweta has been Gerda’s RC for a while (Gerda said twice yesterday after a phone call with Sweta “That woman just rubs me the wrong way” and has said she wants Caryn Zaner who is Peggy and my RC and is inexperienced and easily swayed by GS – see misappropriation of household money, Gregg Franklin was Peggy’s RC for a while and she would request in the same manner that he come up and speak with her – Greg often treats Peggy and her questions in a jocular sometime inappropriately mocking way).

Caryn Zaner asked at the first McDonalds meeting if I was strong enough to hear the things Gerda had to say to me. I said I haven’t a clue what Gerda might say, the only thing I could think of was Gerda’s hypocritical kitchen complaints and Shower and TP games. Gerda did complain in kitchen meeting about my helping Peggy with housework.

Gerda keeps prominently displaying a book aimed at children on bullying. I think she wants a fight and then a reconciliation scene as she would like with her sister, Linda, but I am afraid of even more projecting and transference on to me. Exhausted and drained from trying to meet Gerda’s demands for companionship, audience, scapegoat, substitute for family members who hurt her – (Chapter on Sandra in Gerda’s novel SISTERS) thinks of me as a 24/7 therapist, never asks about my work or dreams but expected me to read, comment on and edit her novel, does very occasionally ask questions about my family in a cold, calculating, quick way.

I requested to Caryn that we meet and talk at McDonalds because I caught Gerda eavesdropping on my very intimate discussion about my family problems early on with Kari Jones. Kari had asked Peggy who was in living room to go upstairs so we could meet privately, when finished talking to my RC Kari at the dining room table, I went into kitchen, right next to dining room, to get tea and Gerda was hunched over kitchen table with lights out.

Gerda has, at Gerda’s constant requests, been accompanying me and Caryn for almost all of our shopping time together though Gerda can go earlier with Peggy to Giant after weeks of this with Caryn not often able to meet with me privately before house meeting, Gerda became furious and convinced Caryn not to use household money for each person but to give $10 each, why does Health and Human Services accounting keep this money separate in a separate envelope for JOINT HOUSEHOLD NEEDS?

In every house meeting previous to January 2010, Kari Jones and Caryn Zaner have responded to Gerda’s saying that she buys her own toilet paper with her own money since she uses so much with the question, “But you will continue to use the $10 they hold out of your check for joint household expenses?” and Gerda would answer, “Yes.” When I mention this to Caryn and ask who gave permission to change the joint household money to individual money she doesn’t respond.

At meeting with Caryn Zaner in Townhouse finished basement Caryn said she was not afraid to confront Gerda on her bullying then changed her tune after team meeting? In next meeting at McDonalds made light of the things we had discussed seriously the previous week – “if Gerda wants to keep scorched rice pan with water and rice on stove for weeks at a time, you are three grown women and I can’t tell Gerda how long she should keep dirty pans on stove.” The Dept of Health has a sign above our sink though doesn’t address this issue think they might have something to say about rancid pan with or without plate covering it sitting on stove for week or longer.

CARYN, in dismissive voice “We are well aware of Gerda’s giggling. If you want to be in this program you have to get used to people talking to themselves.”

(Shannon’s visit, Gregg said we are well aware of housemate problems, “like stealing”, presumably in reference to Shannon or Martha)

Gerda said the new med with weekly blood tests was scary but “if you heard voices like I do you would do anything to stop them.” Gerda said she has been living at 24 Dunsinane for almost 4 years. Don’t think Gerda is served by ignoring her incredibly rude and abusive behavior to housemates, on one level it is a cry for help, I am not trained as a therapist or how to handle transference and cannot be on-call for Gerda 24/7 with no backup or help.

Does Gerda have multiple personality disorder, DID Disassociation Identity Disorder? She platforms sometimes – changes from one personality to another very quickly, I don’t know how to respond which is one of the reasons I gave for wanting to talk to Paula Weiss on how to handle this very difficult situation since Ms. Weiss is listed as the Team Therapist and has been Peggy’s therapist for a while all the time this war has been going on and Gerda briefly met with Ms. Weiss before returning to her therapist Patricia. On the day I moved in Gerda kept saying she hated her therapist Patricia. And Gerda said she had a sister named, Linda. But Gerda said this shortly after she told me she was Jehovah God and waiting looking at me for my response.

According to what Gerda has said and her writings her family has not treated her well, no visits at Christmas but one since then and several recent calls after the earthquake in Haiti. But Gerda very unfairly tries to work out her family problems as a child on her housemates who are vulnerable because they have often been treated badly by their families. Like shooting fish in a barrel.

Gerda can be very charming, would make a wonderful salesperson or actress, sometimes I wonder about borderline psychopathic tendencies. In her chapter on SANDRA of Gerda’s novel SISTERS, Sandra goes between wanting to kill Uncle Victor, the abuser of all three sisters, and wanting to make him wish he were dead and when Sandra is arrested for threatening Uncle Victor with a gun, Sandra tries to help the women in prison go straight the way Oprah would but one of the inmates or her boyfriend conveniently kills Uncle Victor because the inmates love Sandra and Sandra feels her hands are clean since she did not pull the trigger.

When Gerda asked what I thought about the novel, she exclaimed that Sandra’s story was her story and went on, I did not encourage her because I thought in general that Gerda was using me as a therapist and was refusing at that time to see either Paula Weiss or Patricia, the two therapists available to Gerda, and because the confusion of the last chapter, misspellings not in the first two chapters and the rage combined with the abusive bullying way she treated Peggy and myself frightened me.

Caryn accepts what Gerda tells her about me without checking with me to see if it is true or if it happened once or a few times if Gerda is making it sound like it is still going on, my alarm clock bothering her stopped setting it altogether then Caryn asked 2 months later as if still setting it same with sleeping a lot, at first I did but Gerda seems not to know if I am in my room sleeping, or working on computer or reading but instead of asking Caryn just made a statement, “You do sleep a lot.”

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transferred these notes from wordpad

1/26/2010 10:25 pm

Gerda just knocked on Peggy’s door again, told pw to turn off her alarm clock, I stood by pw’s bedroom door did not hear anything, light was on saw underneath door, Gerda asked pw why she set her alarm for the middle of the night, that she would have to stop doing that it was waking her up. Caryn suggested earplugs at a house meeting. Peggy apologized. I had just started using my computer, don’t know if Peggy had set alarm or if it is my computer that is bothering gs. Usually try to turn it off when gs goes to bed but need to write this report.

Gerda was given her Treatment Plan last week, she left it on kitchen table for a while then started reading through it on couch. Why wasn’t my Treatment Plan given to me at the same time, Greg put my Treatment Plan back in cabinet said he did not have time to let me read it but to call him by Thursday that it had to be in by Friday, where does this report go, to CSA?

The Inspector was very upset at the state of Gerda’s room, spent a long time telling the two women he was training about what was wrong said something to Melissa Jacobs like, clean it up. No one spoke to gw still two or three rows of shoes around room, if she can afford so many shoes, coats and clothes, why doesn’t she buy two or three shoetrees. The Inspector came into my tiny room and said this is better.

Melissa had written on the first chore list for Inspection for Gerda to clean up clutter but version just before the Inspection just had red line around the clutter on Peggy’s dresser, pw’s room is almost empty and my room clutter on closet floor and wash windows. Who has given Gerda total immunity from any and all rules??

Date of Inspection -

With Gerda, I feel like someone who doesn't play basketball put on the court with the Harlem

Globe Trotters. I feel very depressed listless like Peggy. Gerda is a huge energy drain expects

housemates to be a 24-7 therapist, audience, scapegoat for her - Gerda had stopped going

to therapist though on new meds that need weekly blood test and her war on Peggy. Caryn

said you haven't seen your therapist for months either, I just looked at her and she said, I

know you haven't been able to get there because of cut off Medicaid transportation and

using your cab coupons to visit your mother.

If ordinary noise bothers her so much maybe Gerda should be in an apartment by herself - or with

more supervision in a house with a constant counselor present. Whatever, she needs much

more help than she is getting now and her abuse of housemates is not doing her any good

either.

Cry for help?

Sunday, January 24, 2010

:

Jan 24 2010 Sun 8:38 pm

Hard to write about the things gerda did to intimidate me when I first moved in. Neither Greg or any of the other counselors I tried to broach the subject with were interested. Until Greg heard me trying to call someone to talk to at SLH about the way Gerda was treating me including Program Dir Team Therapist etc. Teri and Paula Weiss called back and politely said it wasn’t their job and to call Melissa Jacob instead who never called me back two phone calls a few weeks after I moved in and Alex and Barrie Program Directors and Manager weren’t available to talk.

Called a few weeks after I moved in when Gerda’s bellowing my name from downstairs and the pounding on my door by Gerda became unbearable.

Greg said RCs well aware of previous problems why Shannon, Martha and others left and mentioned stealing by one of the previous housemates when I was calling around after very angry at Gerda’s vicious actions towards me the first few weeks at Dunsinane Court.

Gerda seems to have Felix Unger (The Odd Couple) type noises-sinus problems, sometimes sounds like she is choking. Gerda has been making these noises since I first come to Dunsinane court some days worse than others, is the medication she is on?

Called Caryn to let her know that Gerda said when she checked the mail today that the newsletter for the St. Luke’s House Life Skills Program for February only came for Gerda, said there were no newsletters for Peggy or me. The three newsletters always come together and I asked Caryn to check if and why my name has been taken off the mailing list. Caryn said on Wednesday that she did not call about newsletters but mine came the next day and the day after that Peggy’s newsletter came.

Have had a terrible time getting a copy of my treatment plan though Kari and Caryn have read parts to me mainly my diagnosis no copy to me or signature stating I have received treatment plan, Caryn, when reading from her laptop months ago mentioned something about exercise, printing out something on yoga type stretching exercises to do at computer, never gave to me. Caryn questioned my objection when Kari Jones told me on the phone that my diagnosis was given as Bi-Polar instead of Panic Disorder. When Caryn said that Dr. Brown had given my the diagnosis of Bi-Polar and if I still objected, I said that I trust Dr. Brown.

I later told Caryn that Vickie thought I might be bi-polar because of the amount of time I spent awake on computer, sometimes almost 24 hours, obsessive. Caryn said in another meeting (probably with the influence of the RC “team” who have very little psychiatric training) that my therapist Vickie should not be giving me my diagnosis but that I should discuss it with Dr. Brown even though I stated that Dr. Brown is very, very busy and Vickie has spent much more time with me and works closely with Dr. Brown. Caryn also said why should my medication change when the Paxil and Klonaphin were doing so well. Caryn has taken very little time to get to know me and the anguish over Gerda’s abuse of me and Peggy and my problems with sleeping and depression and exhaustion exacerbated by Gerda’s vicious verbal assaults and very meanspirited games.

When I did receive treatment plan, my diagnosis was not on it.

Caryn did manage to get me the $125 a month for January instead of the $81 that the accounting dept had been giving me when I showed her a copy of the handwritten statement of the Federal standards for the minimum a person needs to live in this area by Teri Reid at intake but though Caryn promised to give that handwritten copy and the copies of the check receipts after she had made a copy have not received it back. (2/12/2010 Last week she gave me back the copies upon request.)

Gerda getting ready for bed in upstairs bathroom. She was downstairs in the basement for a while giggling loudly and hysterically again. I had hoped the meds would help her permanently to stop hearing the voices that she said torment her and make even taking Clonopazine and having to take a blood test once a week worthwhile. Said she would do anything to stop the voices.

9:02 Gerda is now quiet.

9:35 GS is quiet again after some sinus noises and tormented sounding vomiting like noises. She had told me that at 27 years old she has to be in bed by 9pm or the medication makes her vomit, don’t know if she said this before she started on the Clonazine. GS talking to self I am mostly writing long hand from computer notes. Computer is by the wall that her bed is against.

10:22 Gerda up sounds like she knocked on Peggy’s door has only done that once before about a week ago.

Last week heard gerda another fight with Peggy in kitchen I stayed in basement waiting for clothes to dry when I went upstairs pw was cleaning floor and said that gs had accused her of being loud and pw said “I know I am loud” and I told pw that she was one of the quietest people I have ever known and had told Caryn several times that I am naturally an introvert a quiet person like Peggy though I share interests with gerda she is an extreme extrovert and I am an extreme introvert.

Peggy has mentioned to me many times while doing housework that she is “afraid of Gerda”, long, long pause, “If I don’t do the chores right.” And I had started saying back to Peggy, about a month and a half ago that I am afraid of Gerda too. It seems Gerda is afraid and tries to frighten other people to make her forget and feel empowered but gs was abused by her family and it is not right that she is allowed to act out her rage on innocent people who have not done anything to hurt her. GS abuses people until they fight back and she feels justified in using any trick, lie, hypocrisy, or verbal abuse. Maybe Peggy would not always be asking for counselors to come to her room when she is in bed to talk to her if she were not constantly being verbally abused by gerda.

Greg Franklin who was Peggy’s RC, now Caryn is though when they move Peggy to an apartment don’t know if she will have RC or be allowed to participate in Java House or Social Night that she loves– often treats Peggy with contempt, tried to place me in the same scapegoat role as pw but though I do not initiate conversations, used to ask legitimate questions about SLH program but always a “I don’t know nothin’ bout nothin’” response so stopped. But do answer back when he treated me “inhumanely and without dignity” see SLH Manual Rules and Regs.

Example of Greg’s treating clients with out dignity “pee u you have bad smokers breath” when I asked if I had a right to my treatment plan after confusing answer by Kari Jones on phone, at that time my RC. Greg’s mockery of Peggy about dust rags and inviting me to join him by calling my name when I was on way out door to the deck outside “Isn’t one rag like another” and what I said in return. Was tired of seeing Peggy embarrassed and used as scapegoat not just by gerda but also her RC at the time, Greg who often treated her questions with contempt.

Gerda said that she wanted Caryn as RC instead of Sweta who never takes her anywhere but Caryn has always seemed to be more of Gerda’s RC than mine, often sided with Gerda and after the dishonest use of the joint household funds and the pathetic tiny rolls of tp Caryn bought at CVS for $6 and some change – check price and brand of tp bought previously. Ask cz if gs had any influence on where she bought the tp, who paid for the much smaller than usual supply of paper towels and why were the paper towels bought at Giant and “my” TP at CVS.

Caryn never encouraged me to participate in SLH Life Skills program. Caryn stated that she is going to speak to my therapist at my Feb 5^th meeting with Vickie though cz had not mentioned that before and although cz has said several times that she is free all Friday, said she would leave and I could use my $48 cab coupons to come home. I had only offered to use coupons on Thursday morning when cz said she was free but had to meet with clients in afternoon.

Vickie gave the Jan 29^th appt to someone else though she does not work weekends, said she was confused by my message and so gave it to someone else on Monday morning, Vickie did not call me back about my weekend messages though she is usually good about calling back and said she was not angry when I called her last week after 2 months (?) of not seeing her, said she knew moving was stressful and time gets away from you (also the holidays).

Caryn did not return any of my messages in the past week. Did flip-flop on gs’ bullying and not being afraid to confront her, totally different response the next week. Need copy of Comar monthly reports, the SLH Manual said I have a right to these monthly reports.

I am not always complaining make note under signature, if I sign, may want to discuss first with my therapist.

When Household Expenses check was late and I was out of TP, Gerda told me to go into Peggy’s room and take a roll from Peggy’s closet – I was not about to invade Peggy’s privacy by entering her room without her permission and I certainly was not going to steal as Gerda advised. Shows Gerda’s contempt for any and all rules and regulations and any human decency.

Name of activist at rally(?), Bob Brady of Stephens’ Ministry, Jeanette how helpful they were would not be pleased at SLH’s attitude of anything goes concerning Gerda and they do not work so hard for the mentally ill for their trust and very hard work to be betrayed not only by Gerda but by SLH lack of any oversight of this abuse of housemates.

Gs expected me to read and edit her novel very time consuming and the last third of novel Sisters, the chapter titled SANDRA is a cry for help.

Peggy finally started fighting back and after finally making complaints Peggy is the one who has to move to an apartment. If someone were starting real fires would SLH be content with scapegoats or would they try to find the real perpetrator who was constantly causing damage? Is Gerda the right demographic for SLH statistics, youngish, black, NOT an American Citizen so cannot vote, but somehow this is desirable, she is not physically handicapped, charming when counselors or someone “important” is around, why hasn’t anyone done anything to stop this wildly unchecked abuse before now?

Peggy has never done a single thing to hurt me and is so quiet and constantly apologizing for everything, Gerda would make me feel that I hardly dare breathe in my room lest I disturb her. A week ago I brought down the few pills the Pharmacy gave me since my Healthnet had changed to Aetna, gave the bottles to Sweta to lock up and I’m not sure if Sweta had even left when Gerda snatched my empty Pharmacy package and asked if I wanted her to throw it away. A few weeks ago, Gerda had left her pharmacy bag on the kitchen table for about a week until I put it near the phone to get it out of the way where it still remains. She is constantly trying to obliterate my presence as she succeeded in doing to Peggy so that GS can have the large bedroom, Gerda’s refusal to let me use the toilet paper roll dispenser in the upstairs bathroom, etc.

Gerda made vehement complaints about my alarm clock, I stopped setting my alarm and was very surprised when Caryn spoke weeks later as if I were still using the alarm. If something happens once or twice does Gerda continue to complain and act like it is still going on the way she constantly complains about Peggy needed to use Depends which Peggy leaves in basement trash can and usually it does not smell but once it did and Gerda said Gus said he couldn’t stand to stay in the basement to do his work because of the smell from Peggy’s Depends.

I would be very worried when she would be giggling an talking to herself for an hour or more at a time sometimes twice a day and wonder if I should call someone to help her – looked at the emergency instructions and would try to decide if the child’s voice giggling going on and on would constitute and emergency. Shannon, Martha, Peggy or someone must have reported this giggling but the team takes it for granted - the new meds really do seem to help but the giggling which now only occurs sporadically and for a short time was and is very unnerving esp since it seems to be a child’s high pitched voice not Gerda’s usual deep voice. Would go to sleep to her giggling then would think at least she sounds like she is having a happy party by herself to soothe my conscience but later she spoke briefly of how tormented she was by voices.

Gerda said she was the rage filled character of Sandra in the novel SISTERS she asked me to edit for typos, grammar and spelling. SISTERS was good writing about the other two sisters but lost control of the material with Sandra the other editor almost stopped editing very obvious sentence structure mistakes not present in the rest of the book and this 3^rd and last chapter also contained many many more grammatical and spelling errors, and some of it did not make sense at all.

Gerda is well-trained in writing and studies very hard to be a good writer it seemed like the character of Sandra who stated that she wanted to kill Uncle Victor for abusing the three sisters as children and alienating them from each other but instead would stalk him from place to place until he would wish he were dead, Sandra was arrested by police as Gerda later said she was in Canada and taken to a mental institution because the character of Sandra was based on her experiences. In jail Sandra tried to read the Bible and pray and help the other women prisoners to straighten out their lives so you could see Gerda’s good angel struggling with her demons. I think Gerda asking people to read her story and her novel for spelling and grammar mistakes is partly a cry for help. But this is way beyond my capabilities. Psychopaths are said to be very charming and cover their tracks well, Gerda has something of a conscience as evidenced by Sandra’s struggle.

I cannot be a therapist for Gerda and she has stated that she hates Patricia, the first day I moved in and that Paula Weiss is very nice but that she said something Gerda did not like so Gerda stopped going to her. I cannot be that substitute and Melissa Jacob the team supervisor has refused to let me speak with the Team Therapist Paula Weiss about this situation – When I asked Caryn about seeing Paula she said that they would be happy to do the paperwork to transfer my therapist from Vicky Bailer at FSA to SLH but otherwise would not be allowed to talk to Paula.

Offer for Sweta and Caryn to meet with me and then a joint meeting with Gerda and Caryn asked if I was strong enough to hear the things Gerda would say about me. And said that both Peggy and Gerda had their opinions about me to. Spoke to Caryn two weeks ago about Gerda projecting her family issues on me and Peggy and other housemates. Gerda tried to force Peggy to help with Christmas tree but pw rightly kept refusing and gs lectured pw on doing things together as housemates. I helped because I wanted a Christmas tree, Peggy didn’t object just wasn’t interested.

This first meeting in McDonalds was just after Caryn took Gerda and Peggy grocery shopping and Gerda was angry when I asked Peggy if Gerda could go with her because I needed some time alone to meet with my RC.

Shannon’s visit.

Gerda said she complained to Melissa when Gerda went to see her therapist this week about Sweta calling at the last minute 4 times to cancel ride promised. Gerda said Melissa said that gs should have let her know the first time Sweta cancelled.

GS had her children’s book about BULLYING on her thesaurus on the bookcase in dining room, after she came upstairs she placed it near the center of the dining room table. Don’t know what message she intends. Had prominently displayed the book on Bullying a few weeks ago but thought she had taken it back to the library.

When first started talking to Caryn about the games and tricks Gerda played on me Caryn said that if Gerda were bullying me and Peggy she would not be afraid to confront Gerda. Next week changed her tune I guess after the team meeting and said “We have known about Gerda’s giggling for a while and if you want to be in this program you need to learn to live with/deal with people talking to themselves.” Told Caryn that Gerda would giggle for over an hour at a time with talking very fast in between used to think she had invited several people into her room for a party. “Many of our clients talk to themselves and if you want to be in this program you need to learn to live with/deal with people talking to themselves.”

At the McDonald’s meeting I asked Caryn if I could meet with the team therapist, Paula Weiss and though Caryn tried to discourage me at first saying that anything I said about Gerda would go into my file not gerda’s because of privacy issues – tried to find out if Paula Weiss has any input into team decisions since she is listed on the phone list as the TEAM THERAPIST but Caryn just mentioned privacy issues and did not specifically ask if Paula Weiss ever attends the team meetings.

You mean you are going to take your shower before ME!!

The money held out $10 apiece for the explicit purpose of jointly buying household items gs managed Wed before last to do away with. Kari and Greg refused to give me my $10 to buy toilet paper and hand soap for the downstairs bathroom. Paper towels were bought a Giant and almost out not as many as usual and I have been out of TP for 4 days gerda only put her personal Scott tissues on roll dispenser downstairs just before Caryn came last Monday for Meds.

Caryn angry when I asked for the ten dollars to buy TP she said again the gerda and Peggy were buying their own TP now they each had $5.00 left to spend on their own personal items why keep this money out if everyone is going to use the $30 on their own household needs we need paper towels soap for downstairs bathroom and TP hard to find a replacement for TP have no money left and was not given any warning or written confirmation that the rules had changed.

Caryn said I only had $3.00 and some change left after she bought me 8 rolls of TP at CVS very small rolls – the Giant brand would have been about $7.00 for 8 LARGE rolls of the Giant house brand which is what is usually bought. Why did Caryn buy paper towels at Giant and very small rolls at CVS??? Caryn said she did the best she could and that I had said she should buy the household items but it has NEVER been done this way before.

Whenever Kari or Caryn would be told by Gerda that she bought her own TP because she used so much and never touched the household TP Kari or Caryn would sternly ask her if she would still be contributing the $10 that Terri/Accounting holds out specifically for household items and gerda would always answer “Yes.”

12/12 – Though we are out of paper towels, Swifters for mopping floor, Pledge, trash bags, hand soap, very low on Cascade and dishwashing liquid because had to use a lot as hand soap in downstairs bathroom, only half a roll of Toilet Paper for me, the $5.00 each that Peggy and Gerda now have for January have not been spent by them yet as Caryn stated last meeting and neither the supposed joint household money $30 or our checks from Rockville Social Service have not been received yet, Greg said because of the snow the RCs could not deliver the Social Services checks due by the 7th.

When did it change no written notification of change, is Melissa and the Team and Accounting and Terri aware of the change that Gerda has made and when did Peggy start buying her own TP?????

Gerda would be an excellent salesperson, she almost seems to hypnotize people including me Very warm personality but like the little girl who plays up to the teacher while digging her nails into another girls arm. I can’t make any sense sometimes about her rapid changes of personality and mood.

Jan 2 2010

Gerda woke me up last night at 8:30 to remind to take out trash. She said a few weeks ago that if she does not get to sleep by 9pm she has terrible reactions from her meds vomiting, so why would she wake me up just before she wanted to sleep since she knows when the RCs wake me to take meds at 7:30pm I have told her that I have trouble going back to sleep for hours?

Easy to take out trash, I took in the recycle bins for her this week and a few weeks ago in the rain and snow. And constantly pick up her cheese wrappers on table, floor and by microwave and wash her scorched pans and dishes so that they will be available for use, limited number of pans and if held back day after day or for 2 weeks or a month on stovetop not available for use and in order to avoid the leaning tower of Pisa and smashed or cracked glasses and dishes go ahead and load and unload dishwasher, often dirty dishes which would be solved if they were soaked for a half hour.

Murphy’s oil and new mop with bristles for really getting floor clean, swifters are meant for upkeep.

Initial investment – maybe come out of my money any left after tp not as many paper towels as before so need rags – the free thrift stores run by Interfaith might be a good way to get free rags, need for rinsing after oven cleaner soaks oven and the grills, cleaning corners and spills and paper towels could be used just for napkins and counters.

Change your Reality

Follow this link for an excerpt from Ken's new book: The Art of Transference - Healing Through Compassion.

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12-19-9

$71 Mom is allowed from Soc Security Check could pay for another visit to her a month.

$48 one way from Dunsinane Ct. to Gladys Spellman near PG Hosp.

Give Caryn info on Veterans Life to fax to GS

January 17, 2010, Sunday

Gerda keeping oil for plantains on stove for weeks – Guess Kari talked her out of it, the first time when had been left on stove over a month. A small, short glass was cracked from the weight of dishes and pans that had been left on top of the small glass when Kari helped us clean refrigerator and a large size plate was shattered two days later when it was precariously balanced on top of a huge stack of dishes when the plastic dish drainer/holder was like the leaning tower of Pisa and Gerda would not allow me to load or unload dishes. Said it was her chore, now both loading and unloading and cleaning dishes and silverware that are put with embedded food in drainer because gerda cannot stand to have anything soaking in sink.

First time I took shower, later at night a half asleep Gerda apologized for moving my mesh sponge for showering but not for staying in bathroom when I would give her a 15 minute or ½ chance to get things from her (?) bathroom when I wanted to take a shower. After half hour first time wanted to take a shower and let Gerda know the timing so she could get what she needed before I started, she was washing her head under BATHTUB faucet, don’t know why, waited for a while and took shower and noted that sponge had been moved usually wouldn’t mind but by then had been noting Gerda’s possessiveness of her bathroom, the kitchen and the whole house. Later she would be primping in front of the mirror whenever I would tell her 15 minutes before I wanted to take a shower. Stopped telling her when just shower but then:

Now the hot water issue with Peggy. All the hot water belongs to gerda – told her last week in the morning at the kitchen table that I was about to take a shower and she said BEFORE ME???!!! So I let her take her shower first rather than have a knockdown dragout fight with slamming doors and major shouting that woke me more than a month ago when Peggy had used all of “gerda’s hot water” and was naked so don’t know if gerda dragged her out of the shower.

Told her last week that I was going upstairs to take a shower when we were talking pleasantly at breakfast in the kitchen, used to avoid the kitchen table now usually joins me and Gerda said in regard to the shower BEFORE ME???!!!

Also Gerda keeps rice in scorched pans soaking on stove for days and in fact the day she complained in the house meeting that the pan and potato masher I had just set to soak was in the sink now as evidence that I did not keep kitchen clean but her rice stuck in pan had been there overnight. Last 2 week have been throwing away the American cheese wrappers that Gerda leaves on table counters and floor.

Terrible argument when Peggy took shower and there was no hot water left for Gerda to shower after Gerda had cleaned her bathroom.

Would music every ten minutes for one hour from my Clock radio be as offensive as the buzzer. Gerda listens to music for 45 minutes to an hour before going to bed and very loud when she is cleaning her (?) Bathroom. Can’t be hypocritical say rules are for others and not herself.

Too nervous about making a mess even for a short while in kitchen to cook the food I need with at least an hour to digest food while pots pans and dishes are soaking. Many dishes cups and esp. silverware comes out of the dishwasher with food stuck on it because they have not been allowed to soak for a short proper amount of time.

Starting to order me about again. Usually to come to her. Last time was shout for me to come from kitchen while she sat like queen bee in rocking chair in front of tv. Has happened too many times.

Potato pan masher plate in sink for 15 minutes before meeting, GS told CZ to look at that for an example of my poor housekeeping. (Kari Jones mentioned my supposed problems with doing chores in the treatment plan SLH RCs kept from me for four months) If CZ had gone into kitchen would also have seen the pot that GS had put a plate as lid on with the rice remains of the previous nights dinner in pot on stove, she left it another day or two before cleaning.

Happens often that she keeps oil on stove for weeks at a time and rice remains for days at a time and criticizes PW and I for trying to soak dishes enough to get them clean enough for dish sterilizer.

Many dishes and esp silverware comes out of Dishwashing machine with food bits on them.

Friday, December 07, 2012

Gerda stomping around repeatedly in boots when first moved in – still stomps but not up and down stairs repeatedly.

Bellowing intimidation tactics when first moved in pounding on door “Where is the fire?” I would ask when running down stairs after her urgent bellowing and she would just want help with computer or how to spell dinosaur or some nothing thing. Once bellowed couldn’t hear what she said, and when I went downstairs Gerda, in very nasty voice, told me to get my things out of the machine because she wanted to use it – the reason why she used the word machine was because the washing machine was free with the lid open and my clothes had just stopped IN THE DRYER and were still damp because I used the fluff cycle.

When I called upstairs that they washing machine was free and my clothes in the dryer were still very damp, Gerda came downstairs and tried to stop me from using the regular cycle on the dryer until I finally said ironically “I have done laundry before, please let me use the cycle I choose, the clothes will be dry quicker and you can use ‘the machine’” Should have asked her why she needed to use the dryer BEFORE she had washed her clothes and the washer was free as she must have known. Intimidation tactics.

Shock and Awe and blitzkrieg just after I moved in to establish her dominance after she had pumped me for personal information about my family relations in the two week trial period and was friendly at that time. She had told me nothing of herself during those two weeks and was uncomfortable answering questions but most people talk about themselves and I rarely get a chance to talk. Gerda still asks exceedingly personal questions which I sometimes answer before I think because when I come downstairs she is often so friendly treats me like long lost friend and I get enticed into her games.

Would rather not have much conversation with Gerda, she plays constant games for her agenda – asking me to fetch and carry fruit juice when Greg was there to make it appear we were the best of friends when gs was going after Peggy. Times her most friendly moments with me when RCs are due to stop by. Noticed it later when she would sit down to eat something with me and I would only be vaguely aware of RCs coming in. Moment I really noticed it was when she asked me to fetch her some of that delicious Passion Fruit juice and held out her glass. We often exchange juice in the kitchen but this was the only time she had tipped her glass at me while near computer and talking to Greg.

Platforming and DID – Dissociative Identity Disorder – multiple personalities maybe not fully developed but seems something like that. Define platforming going rapidly from one alter – alternate personality to another.

Feels like she wants to obliterate my presence

A few days ago when Sweta came for meds, brought down the few that pharmacist gave

me. Left package on table for a few minutes while talking to Sweta, before I left dining

room gs snatched the pharmacist bag and asked if I wanted her to throw it away. I was

taken by surprise and said I guess so.

For more than a week, gs' pharm bag has been on the table in kitchen, I finally put it by

phone where it remains.

cheese wrappers first time I tried to take a shower

toilet paper game new and Kari kept asking gs if she really wanted to do it that way, if she

was really sure, asked her three times. Later when I mentioned that gs wanted the upstairs

bathroom for herself, Kari advised me to fight for use of bathroom. This was just after

Greg and Kari kindly pushed the second chest of drawers upstairs.

Day Shannon appeared. How her name was written on chore list.

Martha didn't like it here though she had the big bedroom. How long was Martha here

before gs moved in?

Just after Caryn left after informing Peggy she had to move to an apartment, gs came in

kitchen gloating that she could not wait to move into Peggy's bedroom - when she saw the

shock on my face, I was thinking that gs continual provoking of Peggy and outrageous

rudeness to her and her campaign to get me to hate Peggy for minor thing was because gs

coveted the big bedroom so gs said to get me to go along with the deal, that I would now

have gs bedroom which had more room but I just thought that when the new person moves

in gs will barter my potential larger room for the cooperation of the new person in treating

me as a scapegoat as she treated Peggy.

Gerda really unhappy when I asked Peggy if gs could go shopping earlier with her because I

needed time alone with my RC. GS gets to meet privately once a week with Sweta but

somehow I am not supposed to have any needs or rights.

Treats me as a therapist sometimes, two weeks ago asked in surprise if I were mentally ill

too and I said what do you think I am doing here.

Scorching the rice once a week, leaning tower of Pisa, broken dishes, oil left on stove for a

month then for two weeks.

Peggy has a whole new personality. In the house meeting complimented gs for playing dvd movies for her. Gerda is now being sweet and friendly to Peggy and has started earlier than I thought on making me the scapegoat.

Hear the train coming.

Sitting at the head of table where Caryn usually sits and Gerda rarely sits, deep frown with sharp fingernail as she was tapping her chin and glaring at door when I came in after having a cigarette on the deck after I asked Peggy if Gerda could go with her at 11:30 to go grocery shopping rather than at 3 pm when Caryn takes me grocery shopping as Gerda had earlier asked and ignored my hesitation and had a look of shock and outrage when I asked this of Peggy have been appeasing gs so much that it did come as a real shock to her

PW has said frequently that she is afraid of Gerda, then pauses and says that gs gets so angry when she doesn't do chores right and I have said several times to Peggy when she expresses this that I am afraid of Gerda too.

Peggy rarely confides in me, has never done anything to hurt me except for banging pots

and cabinets, very out of character for pw

All the hot water for showering belongs to Gerda - Are you going to take a shower BEFORE ME? Knock down drag out fight about a month ago with shouting and slamming doors when asked what it was about a naked Peggy said gs was angry because Peggy took a shower and used up all the hot water gs had just cleaned bathroom and wanted to shower. Did gs drag a naked Peggy out of shower. Very surreal.

Peggy now says she can't remember what fight was about but most likely told therapist Paula Weiss.

Gerda brought home children’s book from library on bullying and left it on top of book shelf in the dining room.

When would ask if I could store my things in closet or drawers downstairs, as recommended by Kari and Caryn, Gerda would either look away and walk away or just stare at me making no response typical reaction when I ask about anything concerning my needs – feels she owns whole house.

Last week was playing music full blast in basement which is a great improvement over playing it full blast or very loudly for approx an hour a night or when she is cleaning bathroom. Could not hear it when I was upstairs and in response to her question if music was bothering me when I went downstairs to get some fruit juice that I couldn’t hear it when I was upstairs.

15 or 20 minutes later she came up and started playing her boom box type radio very loudly in her room right next to the wall where I have my computer for 25 minutes or so and was about to go down in finished part of basement when she finally turned it off.

Game, agenda.

Invasion of privacy almost constant when I first moved in - people with purposes know when there purpose has been sufficiently obtained – cowing a new housemate by constant abuse so as not to have an impediment to her goal of obtaining Martha/Peggy’s room and general power mongering with the ability to seem sweet as roses when RCs are here.

Growling at Peggy “Why do ask then.” For a long while in nasty tone in response to a question by Peggy but knowing I was listening when I reached into the pantry the low animal type growl really unnerved me.

Giggling in her room spoke of her torment by the voices and said that it was scary to take meds that you need a once a week blood test for but that if you were tormented by voices you would do anything to make them stop.

Good angel struggling with bad angel in the scary chapter on Sandra and her wanting to kill Uncle Vincent for abusing her as a child and then decides to torment him with threats of murder and make him wish he were dead. Later said Sandra was her story when she was addicted to Klonaphin and had a complete breakdown in Canada and the police took her away.

Would not mind listening to someone’s problems, she has listened to some about my difficulties with mother and brother and their mental illness but feel she rapidly cycles through various projections on to me of people in her family who have hurt her and the transference of this anger is more than I can deal with neither of us have been seeing our therapists though she has spoken of hating Patricia and is now back with her after telling me Paula Weiss is a very nice person asked if Paula were her therapist and when gs said no asked gently how she knew Paula would be a good therapist for me and she said she had been seeing Paula but Paula said something she didn’t like.

The day I moved in gs said she had quit her job that day because she was bored with it and there was not chance of mobility just going into management. There was a message from Patricia and gs kept saying over and over again to me that she hated Patricia – I spoke of just this part, not the stomping around for hours, to Kari and asked Kari repeatedly to try to help Gerda get another therapist since she seemed to be such a bad match with Patricia.

I think Gerda sees Caryn as the Grandma in the story that she is always vying for approval from and has said that she wishes Caryn was her RC because Sweta never takes her anywhere. Very strange to have sibling rivalry forced on me with a young RC by gs.

I am sorry that Gerda’s family treated her so badly but the people who move into this house and the program have most likely been damaged by their families and it is not fair to them or healthy for Gerda to continue to get away with projecting her very serious issues on housemates and making them pay and pay and pay for something some other people did to her.

A therapist needs to explain projection and transference to Gerda or help me to find the words, gs is interested in new things and the bullying book she brought home was strange after Caryn assured me that if Gerda were bullying people that Caryn would not be afraid to address the issue with Gerda but seemed to change next meeting and Caryn said everyone has there own reality – I did not think to mention that Gerda has confessed to being tormented by the voices with the giggling and rapid talking in between, I used to think Gerda had invited one or more friends over which would be perfectly all right but when I would pass her room when the door was open no one was there but Gerda.

Used to go to sleep listening to the loud, hysterical giggling and sometimes would think I should call someone to help her but then would think she sounds happy at least unlike my mother and later my brother when they were talking or shouting to imaginary people so was very surprise when gs mentioned her torment.

Everything I try or get she wants, though wasn’t speaking to me, was very friendly to Bonnie when she came to visit the second week in January with some clothes I was trying on, Gerda invaded my room where I was talking to Bonnie without permission trying to take her away, would suddenly have to do her laundry when she would see me carrying a basket of clothes downstairs or at sink in kitchen – many, many kitchen and bathroom games.

Nothing is ever enough for her even finally obtaining Peggy/Martha’s master bedroom with private bathroom after so much hard work will be even more unbearable in power mongering, bullying, game playing claiming all of the townhouse as her own personal property, etc Would like RCs to be especially alert when new woman moves in to her distress or mine and to really listen to the reasons

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Notes Caryn Zaner

Going with Bonnie on Thurs 28^th to see Mom, ask to talk to Hetty at Gladys Spellman Rehab, why hasn’t she responded to Caryn’s emails and calls about my mother’s Veteran’s Life Insurance. Hetty said she was behind in work, apologized and asked Caryn to call her the following Friday.

Just the facts – the Truth is Powerful, Jesus said “I am the Way, the Truth and the Life, and all who are of the Truth hear my voice.”

Ten Commandments describing what loving your neighbor means and on a basic level very specific about at least refraining from hurting people – Thou shalt not bear false witness against your neighbor – Gerda’s smearing the reputation of housemates and driving them out.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s goods, Thou shalt not steal – one of the base and basic motives of Gerda’s incredibly brutal abuse of Peggy was that Peggy has the large bedroom and shortly after Caryn left after telling Peggy she had to move into an apartment because Peggy had complained repeatedly to Sweta, Gerda’s RC and Caryn, Peggy’s RC about Gerda’s bullying and abuse.

Peggy and her Aunt Sally challenged this decision in a meeting with MINUTES with St. Luke’s House Program Director, an official from Dept. of Mental Health, Caryn Zaner, probably Melissa – Caryn had told me to ignore Gerda and Peggy’s fighting that it did not concern me. Gerda’s brutal hazing of me when I first moved in then her best friend act esp just before counselors were due for medication and having Gerda exploit me by constantly trying to turn me against Peggy for trivial reasons and making use of me in obvious way to show counselors that she and I got along fine.

Knew I was in a precarious position but if anyone on the team had asked would have tried to relate Gerda’s abuse of me and the abuse of Peggy that I had witnessed and 3 weeks ago finally had a sit down meeting with Caryn (she had been helping me in many practical ways with Food Stamps, moving expenses going to Germantown Social Services and grocery shopping) and told her some of the abuse that I had suffered from Gerda, Caryn at first reacted appropriately said that if I did not feel comfortable in my own home she wanted to know about it and that I should call her anytime even if it seemed petty that she wanted to know and that if Gerda were bullying me she would have no hesitation in standing up to Gerda.

The next week complete flip-flop minimized all of Gerda’s actions, “We are well aware of Gerda’s giggling in her room.” Hours of little girl voice giggling and rapid talking to imaginary people and agreed to give Gerda the $10 from the separate household money for Gerda’s personal use since Gerda buys her own Toilet Paper Peggy had never mentioned buying her Toilet Paper separately but Gerda told me to take some of Peggy’s off the shelf in Peggy’s room when the household money was late in being received in January – I have never invaded Peggy’s room and would not. Why does St. Lukes accounting dept spend all that time holding back $30 for household expenses instead of including the ten dollars in each of our checks from SLH.

I asked repeatedly for my treatment plan for about two months Oct Nov first part of Dec – Terri Reid, intake and Paula Weiss, team therapist called me back and said that Melissa Jacob would be the one handling that, called her twice, Melissa never returned my calls. When I asked Greg Franklin if I had a right to my treatment plan after getting an inadequate answer from Kari Jones on phone, he jumped up and said “phew, you have bad smokers breath.”

Earlier had told me I would be healthier without smoking, Melissa told me when Bernice drove me to townhouse for the first time in response to my question about housemates and smoking, Melissa said that neither Peggy or Gerda had ever said anything about it and it wouldn’t matter if they did object because smoking is allowed outside the townhouse and many people in the program smoke.

Why does Greg suddenly need my signature on my Treatment Plan by Friday, and gave me his number which was not on the RC list to call by Thursday – The Treatment Plan was laying on top of medication in back of file drawer where medication is locked and is dated 10/2009 to 5/2010 – why was I not given the treatment plan before. It is not signed and I refused to sign without reading it, Greg said he did not have time to let me read it – the Treatment Plan given to me by my therapist at FSA, Vicky Bailer, was done in my presence a copy immediately given to me and though I signed and initialed her copy, Dr. Dorsika Brown was kind enough to ask in the next meeting if I had been given a copy.

Why would counselors (RCs) give gobble-de-gook answers when asking for my treatment plan months ago and why wouldn’t Melissa Jacob call me back when I called her twice 2 ½ months ago asking to receive a copy of treatment plan.

Caryn went over some of plan when she was looking at her laptop computer, mainly my diagnosis and mentioned exercise and later getting involved in Life Skills but though I asked again never received a copy and the proof is that they have no signature on the plan. Why the very sudden need for me to sign?

1/25/2010 4:35 pm

Not able to buy Clonapazam prescription because after one month Healthnet transferred to Aetna and Caryn waited on phone line for Aetna for one hour and still did not get to speak to anyone. Medicaid transportation to Doctors office was cut off after one month and cannot find out why and have not been able to visit my therapist Vickie Bailer at Family Services Agency.

FSA is about as far away from Dunsinane Court as is the offices for the SLH therapists in downtown Silver Spring. Have been using my cab coupons to visit my mother who is on a ventilator at Gladys Spellman in PG County.

My mother is able to communicate by mouthing words and pointing to letters of alphabet on chart. Thank Congressman Van Hollen for helping me and my mother when she was in Shady Grove Hospital and they did not want to put her on a feeding tube or vent and were pressuring me for a do not resuscitate order when my mother was unconscious in Shady Grove ICU. When she woke up after a few days she was not on vent but my mother reiterated that she wanted all the medical help available and did not agree to a do not resuscitate. My mother enjoyed her stay at Kensington Nursing Home, said the aides were very nice to her and liked the food but went downhill after a cancer operation on her cheek at Bethesda Naval Hospital though they got all the skin cancer, my mother was discharged immediately after the operation that I accompanied her to and I think she should have stayed at least overnight but I realize that BNH is caring for many of our wounded veterans.

I rode with my mother to Holy Cross Hospital from Kensington Nursing Home 3 times when I visited and my mother was unconscious or hallucinating – paramedic said her breathing machine not working right – HC accepted my mother all three times into ICU and did a heroic job of saving her life, the third visit they did a tracheotomy but had problems finding one of the 5 ventilator units in Maryland to accept my mother since the Social Worker said her Medicare had run out – Several people have asked how her Medicare could run out and didn’t it start over again each year. Gladys Spellman was the first unit available.

Gladys Spellman and financial guardian lawyers, very traumatic two years and then Gerda’s out of control, unchecked abuse.

Called Congressman Van Hollen’s office when Caryn stated that receiving our monthly checks were contingent on how well we did the housework for inspection. I had just moved in and was exhausted from going through 18 years of stuff at apartment, artwork art supplies reference photos for months and then rapidly packing and throwing things away for weeks, trying to get moving expenses I had just moved in 2 or 3 days before and was throwing things away and deciding which packed boxes I should take.

I told Caryn that it was very illegal to base checks from SLH on housework esp housework like cleaning windows and living room floor that had not been done for a year, corners of kitchen which is cleaned several times a week and downstairs bathroom were very filthy.

I had received a handwritten note from Terri Reid on Federal guidelines for living expenses and letter notifying me from Dept. of Treasury that disability check SSDI would no longer be deposited to BOA Bank of America but would go directly to SLH and they would provide living expenses. Caryn said later she was only joking but Gerda said her demeanor was not that of one who was joking.

Caryn is new and some of the things she is being told to do by the Peppertree Cluster Team don’t make sense. I kept telling Caryn that basing our SLH checks on how well we did the housekeeping for the yearly INSPECTION, esp. when I had just moved in and a lot of things like the windows had obviously not been done for a year, was illegal, she vocally objected while I was talking to the Congressman’s office but later when I told her what intake worker Terri Reid had said and written Caryn said she didn’t know.

A home is not a museum, I said only once in reference to my making Cream of Wheat for breakfast the day of the inspection, Gerda objecting to my messing up the kitchen, but since we did not know what time the inspectors would come, I said that I didn’t think the inspector expected us to fast/starve all day that this was a home not a museum but when Gerda brought it up at house meeting made it sound like it was something I said all the time in response to chores.

Gerda did not want any dishtowels visible in the kitchen so I started putting the dirty dishtowels in drawers – no longer able to afford paper towels for the whole month esp. since Caryn agreed to break the rules and the 30 dollars held out for common household supplies no longer applies and that out of the $10 each held back Gerda and now Peggy were buying their own toilet paper so they had $5 each left and I had only $3.00 and some change because Caryn had bought very small rolls at CVS instead of the usual house brand of Giant Toilet paper. Not enough to get me through the month.

Running water and a wash rag instead of toilet tissue = there is posted a notice on hygiene above the kitchen sink – have very little money to spend and someone should have told me that this holding back of household money was taking place. I think Gerda persuaded Caryn to do this and that it again is not legal – why hold out $10 from each of us in the SLH check if we each are to spend the money only on ourselves? We need hand soap for the downstairs bathroom next to kitchen used by everyone and I am not to use Gerda’s toilet paper on the roll dispenser but the one from the usual 8 rolls bought for the whole household which this month does not apply. Also this is the month that I am to do dusting and there is almost no Pledge left and I have only done half the dusting. Have been discussing the low amount of Pledge in weekly house meetings for several weeks but never bought more.

I would like to see the receipts that are always kept in locked medication drawer from Giant for the last few months on the cost and brand of TOILET PAPER bought.

Gerda has all she wanted from the household money and takes the tile and groat cleaner and the plain Lysol and the Lysol with bleach and leaves them in “her” bathroom upstairs though she only cleans there once a week and the kitchen, foyer and downstairs bathroom are cleaned and mopped by one of us almost daily.

Melissa never called back when I called about 2 months ago about receiving a copy of my treatment plan which I still have not received and wanting to discuss some issues about Gerda. Called Melissa twice after Terri Reid and Paula Weiss, therapist told me that Melissa was the one to call. Melissa has to be aware of some of the abuse of housemates by Gerda. The records for Shannon and Martha should also be checked by someone at DMH as well as the minutes for the recent grievance meeting by Peggy and her aunt. Heard Peggy on phone to Aunt Sally a few days after meeting and Peggy kept saying, “Sally, that’s a lot of money.” Gerda said Peggy told her that she has been in St. Luke’s programs for 27 years. Peggy will probably not be able to attend the Friday Social Night or the Java Café Wednesday dinners that she has religiously attended for 5 years when she moves to an apartment Caryn said that it will be a different organization and SLH remains involved, doesn’t just dump people - they remain involved for ONE MONTH – 30 days.

Woman who led rally all that working fighting for decent shelter for mentally ill, gerda is betraying that trust and so is SLH by allowing Gerda to abuse housemates without limit There should be a paper trail of testimony against the way Gerda abuses housemates from the meeting within the last month when Peggy objected to being forced to move into an apartment because she finally started fighting back against gerda’s abuse.

Gerda seems to be in a more preferable demographic for SLH statistics. Peggy and her Aunt Sally (91 years old) went to meeting with SLH Program director, Caryn probably Melissa the supervisor for Peppertree and a representative from Dept. of Mental Health so there should be notes from that meeting on the abuse that Peggy has suffered from Gerda, Peggy has been here four years and has the large bedroom that Gerda was very gleeful about receiving when Caryn told Peggy she had to move out after 2 months of fighting with Gerda and Peggy usually ending up apologizing. Peggy has told me repeatedly that she is afraid of Gerda and now that Gerda is being very nice to her can’t remember the fight about Peggy using Gerda’s hot water, knock down drag out fight with Peggy with no clothes on, so don’t know if Gerda dragged her out of the shower.

The people who did fight for the mentally ill to have assisted living did not expect that someone like gerda would be able to claim the entire house and abuse housemates at will both for power mongering and to steal the large bedroom.

At some point SLH will need to deal with gerda's abuse of housemates. She obviously very skilled in bullying and intimidation of housemates while putting on a sweet face for counselors. Melissa would not let me discuss the severe problems Gerda has and the abuse suffered by housemates with Paula Weiss, the team therapist who is also Peggy’s therapist and was briefly recently Gerda’s therapist unless I left FSA and a therapist Vickie Bailer who has been so helpful to me.

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Appeasement doesn't work.

Gerda has Performance art needs

too much grandstanding my potato dishes less than an hour in the sink, and her days and weeks of

keeping scorched rice pans and oil on stovetop. Not that many pans to use.

Someone to call when in distress with giggling, gerda admitted to me that her torment from

the voices is much more than I thought or Peppertree team realizes. Gerda needs more help, just a

phrase RCs can’t be there 24 hours but when housemates complain or try to talk about gerda's distress, it is brushed aside.

Good things about Gerda many talents use them in an utterly selfish way at the expense of other mentally ill housemates.

Who convinced Caryn to buy “my” toilet paper at CVS? Jerrell said it is a step above a dollar store

when I told him I bought my now broken umbrella a few weeks old from CVS.

Are we now each using our ten dollars not for the house but for each individual? Laundry Detergent was already individual expense. Reason for Gerda's saying she would buy her own TOILET PAPER was new to Kari when I moved in and now Gerda has convinced Caryn that the household monies should be spent individually against what is in SLH manual and after gerda repeatedly responding to Kari and Caryn that she wanted to buy her own Scott's brand TOILET PAPER and would pay for it herself “because she used so much toilet paper” in response to Kari Jones and Caryn Zaner asking if she were paying for her own Toilet Paper out of the household money. Gerda would always add emphatically “No” she paid for it her self and now inch by inch has convinced Peggy to buy her own Toilet Paper and both pw’ and gs’ Toilet Paper comes out of the household money which is held back for the specific purpose of all three housemates use for the Whole household needs.

After the very small eight rolls of Toilet Paper that Caryn and gs bought me last Wed that go very

quickly, thought of the song:

Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets. the song from Damned Yankees sung by a very selfish and disruptive woman.

Change your Reality

Follow this link for an excerpt from Ken's new book: The Art of Transference - Healing

Through Compassion.

http://www.kenpage.com/art_transference_bk/excerpt_promo.html

12-19-9

$71 Mom is allowed from Soc Security Check could pay for another visit to her a month.

$48 one way from Dunsinane Ct. to Gladys Spellman near PG Hosp.

Give Caryn info on Veterans Life to fax to GS

Sunday, January 17, 2010

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Gerda Sejour Outline

Gerda’s Bogus Complaints

Friday, February 12, 2010

When I woke up yesterday at 8:15 pm Gerda came downstairs and told me that the board at the bottom of the glass doorframe to the porch had “fallen out”. I looked at the bar of wood and pointed out that the metal bar in the middle of the glass doorframe was in place and key turned and also that I had placed the heavy, long screw in the drilled hole at the top of door frame.

Gerda lamely said that she thought she had placed the screw in – implying that I had forgotten that as well, but if she did and if Gerda was so worried about the bar of wood, why didn’t she replace the wood as well as the screw she claimed to have replaced but only after I mentioned that I had done it and that the two lock devices were enough and that Melissa had said when she was first showing me around the house and we went out on deck, I asked if I needed to replace the metal and wood bars each time I went out for a smoke and Melissa said with Kari there that I could leave off the wood bar during the day but I always use all three lock devices day and night.

I don’t think that Melissa knew about the long screw and hole at the top, did not know myself until Gus, the handyman, used it one day without telling me, figured out why I couldn’t open the door when I remembered that every window in the bay window in the kitchen has a screw on a chain and is never used. Haven’t opened the kitchen windows since warm days in Oct and Nov and would turn the built in lock above the moveable part of the window to lock it but if Gerda is so concerned about locks, why aren’t the screws used as well in the kitchen?

Once my brother had his bike stolen from our second story balcony, someone had climbed up to steal it and down again with the bike.

GERDA’S LONG TOILET PAPER GAME

INCLUDES ATTEMPTS TO BLOCK MY USAGE OF “HER” BATHROOM EVEN FOR SHOWERS

All three of us were given nice gifts by SLH for Christmas, (Peggy was out), showed Gerda the mesh sponge and two bottles of nice bath soap that I had been given, after Caryn left went for cigarette, before I had even latched the three locks, Gerda asked if I wanted to trade, told her to wait until I finished locking deck door.

I was going to refuse on grounds of principle and not to set a precedent, Gerda held up the very nice long and wide silky scarf she had been given and turned up her nose (someone knowing she likes clothes must have spent a little time thinking of something she would like.) (Guess my gift was a reminder to take shower since lack of personal hygiene was mentioned in my Treatment Plan but Kari Jones, then RC, did not mention in Treatment Plan that Gerda stated at the first house meeting that she wanted me NOT to use “her” Toilet paper or the TP dispenser – Racist? - and that Kari had told me to fight for the upstairs bathroom that it did not belong to Gerda but I needed back up to fight gerda over a pattern that she has established against SLH rules of blocking access to common areas.

Did Gerda do the same to Shannon or other housemates gs has driven away as she recently did to Peggy, someone needs to look at the Grievance meeting notes when SLH told Peggy that she had to move to an apartment after she started fighting back against Gerda’s incredible verbal abuse.

The pattern on the scarf reminded me of a Russian pattern scarf my mother loved so agreed to trade (Gerda must really not want me to take a shower, she said in defense of her asking to trade that she loved hygiene things and did not have enough even though every square inch of “her” bathroom is filled with her expensive creams, ointments, many mesh sponges shampoos, crème rinses, soaps etc. etc. etc.)

Keep forgetting to take the scarf on the few visits I am able to make to visit my mother, wonder if I should wash it first, though don’t have to wear a gown and mask to visit her anymore the door down has a patient with this requirement in sign on door, thought my mother might like to hold the scarf and feel the very nice silkiness of it.

Greg escaped w/o giving me the ten dollars household money for Toilet paper and hand soap. The very small rolls from cvs went quickly and Karen said I could use the rest of my $10.00 for TP. Suddenly Peggy "decided" to buy her own TP FROM HOUSEHOLD MONEY and now, if I understand it right Gerda is buying her own TP FROM HOUSEHOLD MONEY. Kari and Caryn asked Gerda again and again if her making me use separate TP not only the roll dispenser DID NOT MEAN that she would not be contributing the 10 bucks to household needs INCLUDING TP. Gerda grandfathered it she needs to be in sales in the meantime I have no TP.

Why should I have to be the one to use the TP in the upstairs bathroom on the germ-laden

sink rather than the built in TP roll dispenser intended for that purpose.

Told Jerrell about some of this abuse and games of Gerda for the first time last week and he decided not to get involved, Kari showed up for meds the next day said no one would be there at night.

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violating trust of SLH esp bad at this time of budget cuts.

Hypocrisy of Gerda:

15 minutes before House Meeting I finished eating a boiled potato putting pan and potato masher and dish to soak and gs' dramatic complaint inviting Caryn to go into kitchen and see what gs meant by my leaving dishes and going upstairs to sleep for hours (Caryn did ask if I did come down later to clean dishes in sink and gs had to admit that I did) and later when Caryn was still here when I went into to kitchen saw the scorched pan of Gerda’s that had been sitting ON STOVE to soak with plate over it for a day and was to remain two more days and Gerda often before and after this meeting and dramatic declaration with arm gestures towards kitchen would leave pans soaking ON THE STOVE - critical of those who use sink however briefly to soak dishes so they will get clean and the hot water of the dishwasher dish sterilizer just imbeds the food deeper into cutlery esp but also dishes and overfilling the Cascade holder in the dishwasher so that it pops open and has clumps of detergent in cup and all over dishes.

I told Gerda about the Washington Post story about toddler scooping some dishwashing detergent into his mouth as his mother held him and rushing him to ER swollen mouth talk of how poisonous eating dishwasher crystals is - saved a dish to show Gus and told GS this story but she only agreed to stop using so much Cascade when Gus told her that that was the problem.

Need to soak dishes before putting them in rack Gerda is so hysterically afraid of leaving dishes in

sink Peggy and gs put dirty silverware, cereal bowls and dishes in rack after just running them under water and they come out of the dishwasher cycle with food bits stuck even harder to them. When I came for the trial two weeks the sink was always filled with soaking dishes.

12 February 2010

I am doing the dishes almost all the time now though it is listed as Gerda’s chore.

---------------------------------------------

Feels like GERDA wants to obliterate my presence

A few days ago (end of January) when Sweta came for meds, I brought down the few tablets that pharmacist gave me. After giving the package to Sweta the Pharm package was on table for a few minutes while talking to Sweta, before I left dining room Gerda snatched the pharmacist bag and asked if I wanted her to throw it away. I was taken by surprise and said I guess so.

For more than a week, Gerda’s own pharm bag has been on the table in kitchen, I finally put it by

phone where it remains. 2/7/10 - Gerda’s pharmacy bag is now on the floor by phone table. Placed it back on phone table in kitchen – still there - 2/12/10.

Gerda’s American Cheese Wrappers and Dentyne wrappers everywhere. Cheese wrappers on kitchen and now dining room table, on the floor, by the microwave, I have just been picking them up as I clean counters and tables and mop floor

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GS Notes distribute.rtf

Friday, February 12, 2010

GERDA said the toilet was broken in upstairs bathroom. When I asked about it she said there was not enough water pressure, when I asked if she had used plunger she repeated that there was not enough water pressure.

Two of three bathrooms out in bad snowstorm.

Gerda’s contempt and cruel behavior to Peggy who was having severe problems day before yesterday with diarrhea and an overflowing toilet. I helped her as best I could, we are out of plastic garbage bags since Gerda’s games with the household money, Gerda said she had 2 plastic bags in her room but did not offer Peggy one, after Gerda came up with a bag for the garbage pail in kitchen, I found a large plastic bag in my room that Bonnie had given me to move, emptied it and helped Peggy clean up her bathroom and put in the Depends that Gerda kept complaining about the unbearable smell. It was not that bad and Gerda did not want to open windows to air out house but shut up about Peggy causing her distress by having diarrhea and wearing Depends and the smell in Gerda’s room and downstairs from Peggy keeping her door open. Gerda has bowel problems also from the medication, mostly constipation. Put the plastic garbage bags on deck since there will be no trash pickup till further notice.

Gus, maintenance, is coming early today to check Peggy’s broken toilet again and the other upstairs bathroom toilet and the new washer that makes sounds like an oncoming train then later when on spin like a jet taking off, terrible noise for about 7 minutes. When I washed clothes 2 days ago, there was a big puddle of water and the washing machine had “walked” about 2 ½ feet from wall. Sometimes apartment washer would “walk” if load unbalanced but would not leak a puddle.

Many mice running around to and from refrigerator. Exterminator boxes not working, he left the boxes on January 19 and only one mouse looked skinny and wasted from the poison.

Lora DeVal said more snow expected Monday.

Gerda had problem getting her meds today, Feb. 11. Metro and Ride On not running though streets are cleared and used to run when snow had stopped. Gerda said she slipped twice on ice when she called Kari and Melissa for help getting her meds. Giant Pharmacy woman said she was leaving at 3pm and that if the replacement didn’t show up the Pharmacy would close. Gerda is on very serious meds that take blood test Clozapazine. Offered Gerda my cab coupons but said she did not want to take them in case I had an emergency and needed them. Suggested she call the SLH emergency number on the bulletin board which lists problems with meds as a reason to call and Kari called her right back, Gerda had been waiting for a while and had not heard back from Sweta or Kari. Told Gerda that the ER number would log the call so she was likely to get a more immediate response and she did.

Cab coupons were not in mail box though they usually come quickly and I sent the check a few days before the due date of Feb. 9^th.

We did not receive our checks from the Rockville Social Services on time, (still waiting) Greg made same excuse as last month, the weather and SLH closed so no way for RCs to get the checks to distribute. Lora said all three of the people in her townhouse had received both checks.

When I woke up at 8:15 pm Gerda came downstairs and told me that the board at the bottom of the glass doorframe next to the deck/porch sliding glass door had “fallen out”. I looked at the bar of wood and pointed out that the metal bar in the middle of the glass doorframe was in place with the key turned and also that I had placed the heavy, long screw in the drilled hole at the top of door frame.

Gerda lamely said that she thought she had placed the screw in – implying that I had forgotten that as well, but if she did and if Gerda was so worried about the bar of wood, why didn’t she replace the wood as well as the screw she claimed to have replaced but only after I mentioned that I had done it and that the two lock devices were enough and that Melissa had said when she was first showing me around the house and we went out on deck, I asked if I needed to replace the metal and wood bars each time I went out for a smoke and she said that I could leave off the wood bar during the day but I always use all three lock devices day and night.

I don’t think that Melissa knew about the long screw and hole at the top, did not know myself until Gus used it one day without telling me, figured out why I couldn’t open the door when I remembered that every window in the bay window in the kitchen has a screw on a chain and is never used. Haven’t opened the kitchen windows since warm days in Oct and Nov and would turn the built in lock above the moveable part of the window to lock it but if so concerned about locks, why aren’t the screws used as well in the kitchen?

Once my brother had his bike stolen from our second story balcony, someone had climbed up to steal it and down again with the bike.

2/7/10 10:48pm

Snow weekend

GERDA scorched pan badly when making cream of wheat with milk, had on high whole time, could see it burning orange while I was making saffron rice on next burner at simmer which did not glow orange.

GERDA doesn't seem to want to do dishes anymore. Peggy called to say she would not be back on Sunday and probably not Monday.

Gerda broke my lemon squeezer a while back offered to pay for it but I said it was old so never mind..

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Shannon’s visit.

You mean you are going to take your shower before ME!!

Talking to self in room at around 9:30 pm Friday.

Greg escaped w/o giving me the ten dollars household money for Toilet paper and hand

soap. The very small rolls from cvs went quickly and Caryn said I could use the rest of my

$10.00 for TP. Suddenly Peggy "decided" to buy her own TP FROM HOUSEHOLD

MONEY and now, if I understand it right Gerda is buying her own TP FROM

HOUSEHOLD MONEY. Kari and Caryn asked Gerda again and again AT EVERY SINGLE HOUSE MEETING if her making me use separate TP not only the roll dispenser DID NOT MEAN that she would not be contributing the 10 bucks to household needs INCLUDING TP. Gerda grandfathered it she needs to be in sales in the mean time I have no TP.

Why should I have to be the one to use the TP in the upstairs bathroom on the germ-laden

sink rather than the built in TP roll dispenser intended for that purpose.

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violating trust of SLH esp bad at this time of budget cuts.

Types of books like HOW TO SWIM WITH THE SHARKS AND SURVIVE

businessman difference radical between Reston workplaces and Mont County salt and

pepper shakers establishing your dominance by deliberating breaking social rules about

invading other peoples space.

Felt exploited by Gerda’s constant attempts to turn me against Peggy. Gerda used some of the same

petty arguments to Kari and Caryn - constant aggression (badjacketing) smearing someone’s

reputation seems to be second nature to Gerda.

should have intervened and found out what was going on between Gerda and pw because it did

involve me because of the noise, bad feeling and the fact that Gerda had played some pretty

aggressive intimidation games when I first moved in and was starting to test the waters

again of what I would allow her to do.

Hypocrisy of Gerda:

15 minutes before meeting I finished a boiled potato putting pan and potato masher and dish to soak

and Gerda' dramatic complaint inviting Caryn to go into kitchen and see what Gerda meant by my leaving dishes and going upstairs to sleep for hours (Caryn did ask if I did come down later to clean dishes in sink and Gerda had to admit that I did) and later when Caryn was still here when I went into to kitchen saw the scorched pan of Gerda’s that had been sitting ON STOVE to soak with plate over it for a day and was to remain two more days and Gerda often before and after this meeting and dramatic declaration with arm gestures towards kitchen would leave pans soaking ON THE STOVE - critical of those who use sink however briefly to soak dishes so they will get clean and the hot water of the dishwasher dish sterilizer just imbeds the food deeper into cutlery esp but also dishes and

overfilling the Cascade place so that it pops open and has clumps of detergent in cup and all

over dishes. I told Gerda about the Washington Post Story about toddler scooping some dishwashing detergent into his mouth as his mother held him and rushing him to ER swollen mouth talk of how poisonous eating cascade is saved a dish to show Gus and told GERDA this story but she only agreed to stop using so much Cascade when Gus told her that that was the problem.

Need to soak dishes before putting them in rack Gerda is so hysterically afraid of leaving dishes in

sink Peggy and Gerda put dirty silverware in rack after just running them under water and they

come out with food bits stuck even harder to them. When I came for the trial two weeks

the sink was always filled with soaking dishes.

Gerda’s American Cheese Wrappers and Dentyne wrappers everywhere. Cheese wrappers on kitchen and now dining room table, on the floor by the microwave, I have just been picking them up as I clean counters and tables and mop floor.

Feels like she wants to obliterate my presence

A few days ago when Sweta came for meds, brought down the few that pharmacist gave

me. Left package on table for a few minutes while talking to Sweta, before I left dining

room Gerda snatched the pharmacist bag and asked if I wanted her to throw it away. I was

taken by surprise and said I guess so.

For more than a week, Gerda' pharm bag has been on the table in kitchen, I finally put it by

phone where it remains. 2/7/10 -Gerda’s pharmacy bag is now on the floor by phone table.

cheese wrappers

first time I tried to take a shower

toilet paper game new and Kari kept asking Gerda if she really wanted to do it that way, if she

was really sure, asked her three times. Later when I mentioned that Gerda wanted the upstairs

bathroom for herself, Kari advised me to fight for use of bathroom. This was just after Gregg and Kari kindly pushed the second chest of drawers upstairs.

Day Shannon appeared. How her name was written on chore list.

Peggy said Martha didn't like it here though she had the big bedroom. How long was Martha here

before Gerda moved in?

Just after Caryn left after informing Peggy she had to move to an apartment, Gerda came in kitchen gloating that she could not wait to move into Peggy's bedroom - when she saw the shock on my face, I was thinking that Gerda’s continual provoking of Peggy and outrageous rudeness to her and her campaign to get me to hate Peggy for minor thing was because Gerda coveted the big bedroom so Gerda said to get me to go along with the deal, that I would now have Gerda bedroom which had more room but I just thought that when the new person moves in Gerda will barter my potential larger room for the cooperation of the new person in treating me as a scapegoat as she treated Peggy.

Gerda really unhappy when I asked Peggy if Gerda could go shopping earlier on Wednesday when Caryn takes Peggy grocery shopping because I needed time alone with my RC. Gerda gets to meet privately once a week with Sweta but somehow I am not supposed to have any needs or rights.

Treats me as a therapist sometimes, two weeks ago asked in surprise if I were mentally ill too and I said what do you think I am doing here.

Scorching the rice once a week, leaning tower of Pisa, broken dishes, oil left on stove for a month then for two weeks.

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Peggy has a whole new personality (for a day and a half very aggressive, then back to timidity). Peggy has said frequently that she is afraid of Gerda, then pauses and says that Gerda gets so angry when she doesn't do chores right and I have said several times to Peggy when she expresses this that I am afraid of Gerda too.

Peggy rarely confides in me, has never done anything to hurt me except for banging pots and cabinets, very out of character for pw

All the hot water for showering belongs to Gerda – “Are you going to take a shower BEFORE ME?”

I woke up to a knock down drag out fight about a month and a half ago with shouting and slamming doors when asked what it was about a naked Peggy said Gerda was angry because Peggy had taken a shower and used up all the hot water Gerda had just cleaned bathroom and wanted to shower. Did Gerda drag a naked Peggy out of shower. Very surreal. Even the hot water in Peggy’s bathroom belongs to Gerda.

2/12/2010

Mentioned this event to Jerrell one morning and he only kept saying “ Oh Wow!” then stopped coming to give me Klonaphin in the morning shift.

Peggy now says she can't remember what fight was about but most likely told therapist Paula Weiss.

The Inspector on December 2^nd was very upset at the state of Gerda’s room, spent a long time telling the two women he was training about what was wrong said something to Melissa Jacobs like, clean it up. No one spoke to Gerda still two or three rows of shoes around room, if she can afford so many shoes, coats and clothes, why doesn’t she buy two or three shoetrees. The Inspector came into my tiny room and said “This is better.”

Melissa had written on the first chore list for Inspection for Gerda to clean up clutter but version just before the Inspection just had red line around the clutter on Peggy’s dresser, pw’s room is almost empty and my room had laundry on the floor in the closet. Who has given Gerda total immunity from any and all rules??

2 weeks ago, end of January, Melissa finally bought two large plastic containers with rubber green tops. There was a sticky on top that only said “GERDA”, Gerda offered me one and I told her what the inspectors had said about the shoes all around the room and Gerda said “well I take it back then.” After several days Gerda began very noisily dumping her many shoes and boots in the containers.

Date of Inspection – Dec. 2? Called Congressman Van Hollen’s office on Dec. 1^st and the letter to me from is office is dated the day I called after dispute with Caryn who said she did not know about the minimum amount given to clients and that it was not predicated on how well we do housework that had been neglected for a year after very short notice that the inspector was coming for his yearly inspection and I was exhausted from weeks of packing and moving.

Give Caryn info on Veterans Life to fax to Gladys Spellman Rehab.

Gerda keeping oil for plantains on stove for weeks – Guess Kari talked her out of it – for a while. A small glass was cracked and a medium size plate was shattered when the plastic dish drainer/holder was like the leaning tower of Pisa and Gerda would not allow me to load or unload dishes.

Apology for moving mesh sponge but not for staying in bathroom when I would give her a 15 minute or ½ chance to get things from her (?) bathroom when I wanted to take a shower.

Also keeping rice soaking on stove for days and in fact the day she complained in the house meeting that the pan and potato masher I had just set to soak was in the sink now as evidence that I did not keep kitchen clean but her rice stuck in pan had been there overnight. Last 2 week have been throwing away the American cheese wrappers that Gerda leaves on table counters and floor.

Terrible argument when Peggy took shower and there was no hot water left for Gerda to shower after Gerda had cleaned her bathroom.

Would music every ten minutes for one hour from my Clock radio be as offensive as the buzzer. Gerda listens to music for 45 minutes to an hour before going to be and very loud when she is cleaning “her (?)” Bathroom. Can’t be hypocritical say rules are for others and not herself.

I have been too nervous about making a mess even for a short while in kitchen to cook the food I need with at least an hour to digest food while pots pans and dishes are soaking. Many dishes cups and esp. silverware comes out of the dishwasher with food stuck on it because they have not been allowed to soak for a short proper amount of time. I had been making a lot of toasted cheese sandwich so as not to leave a mess for one second.

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1/31/10 2:07 pm

Forgot it was Sunday, went down to wash clothes around 11:30, Gerda almost immediately took her basket down and said in her most intimidating voice that it was her day. I apologized and said would start looking up day before washing.

(My clothes were on short wash, called Gus to report Peggy’s broken toilet and continued problems with the washer.)

Gerda has not used her intimidating voice on me for a long time, mostly silence and she does continually abuse Peggy but with a lower voice and stops and leaves when I enter room. Felt bad that I did nothing to help p when she was suffering all that concentrated abuse so that gerda could have her room.

Wonder if the meeting with Aunt Sally, p, cz, Melissa, Prog dir and rep from Dept of Mental Health was recorded or if they had a secretary with shorthand take detailed minutes. Peggy usually talks on phone to aunt sally upstairs in her room but when I was doing the dishes, she kept saying “My God, Sally that is a lot of money.” Got the impression that SLH told Sally that unless she wanted to dip into her savings to paid for Peggy’s 4 year stay here that they had better not continue to press the grievance at Peggy being forced to move because she finally started fighting back against gerda’s abuse.

I am not allowed to use the toilet paper dispenser in the only bathroom with a shower because….Gerda buys her own tp and now Peggy buys her own though that has never been mentioned to me in a meeting or anywhere else where GS said she was buying her own tp and Kari and Caryn the RCs repeated asked Gerda if she would still be using the ten dollars that accounting holds back for joint household needs and Gerda would say yes.

what if felt like to go a month tp insecure. What if a white woman told a black woman in SLH residential program that the black woman could not use the joint bathroom toilet paper dispenser and had to put the black woman’s toilet paper on a germy sink???!!!. Certainly would sound like racism. Reverse racism, no, just racism.

Even Congresspersons and Senators use TP maybe they could imagine how they would feel if it were done to them or if they have a vulnerable relative in a mental health program and this incremental sales /grandfathering in the 10 dollars each that SLH Accounting Dept. holds out for household needs total of 30 dollars a month is now with no warning 10 dollars given to gerda, 10 dollars to Peggy and 3 dollars to me because Caryn made a special trip to CVS to buy small rolls of tp when we always go to Giant and buy much larger Giant brand tp rolls and the paper towels were from Giant.

Gerda is still studying driving manual has been for over a week, not working on her writing or other studying, told her she should take a break to do something more fun but said she wanted to take the drivers license exam next week. Wonder who will take her there and whose car she will use? I hope someone gives her a car and she can spend more time outside the townhouse so that I could get to the artwork and putting together my portfolio for Eric SLH and Radner Museum.

Wild Horses series was done as exercise from Nicoladi book, like finger exercises for a pianist or barre exercises for a dancer.

I called Bonnie while waiting for clothes to finish washing, longer talk than usual and Gerda was nice again after finished conversation with Bonnie.

Bonnie said Laura, the woman who has been giving me her daughter’s clothes from before she lost weight, wants me to give her art lessons, Bonnie said Laura is now painting a Kinkaide type painting and can do a painting in about 8 hours, wonder if it is from a video or book of instruction on how to paint a certain picture, with Laura’s work with the priest on the stained glass windows (stencil?) for the Tuesday Mass at the Lutheran Retirement Village, it sounds like she already has a lot of experience with art but Bonnie said not really.

Laura said that the Russian Impressionism show was not at the Strathmore but Radner and that it was not impressionism but religious art. Think maybe Laura wants someone to talk art with esp. religious art. She really liked the painting that I gave to Bonnie as a Christmas gift. Bonnie's birthday is June 18 just after Flag Day.

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2/7/10 10:47pm

Talk about the trouble I had receiving a glimpse of my treatment plan. Predated by quite a bit should not have signed when I noticed the date was filled in 2 ½ months before I had a glimpse of plan, cz gave me a copy of “signed” Treatment plan but was electronically signed by those at SLH and my signature page was missing.

Kari has twice woken me from deep sleep and keeps saying come on come on are you coming before can get circulation in legs it is dangerous to have to hurry down long circular flight of stairs, when I felt woozy after took klonaphin and leaned against wall Kari asked if was alright.

3/15/2010 12:16 AM

Gerda gets up at night to go downstairs several times a night whether I am on computer or resting or half asleep. Caryn said Gerda needed to have patience since we are both changing our sleep schedule. Gerda’s constant complaints about me, complained about “my” pan in sink, after meeting saw that it was the pan that Peggy had cooked her Progresso Chicken Noodle soup in the night before. Caryn told Gerda that she could still use the sink even with the pan, later Caryn spent a lot of energy coaxing Gerda out of her pout. Caryn kept telling me to shut up when I tried to talk about the state of the brooms when CZ was asking Peggy about her chore of sweeping the living room and dining room.

Kari has been spending 5 minutes with me when she comes, questioning me, thought it was nice that RC’s (used to be called counselors not coordinators as now) was finally taking an interest in how I was doing. Told her about Caryn continually telling me to shut up and the disparity in the time CZ spent listening to and drawing out Gerda and Peggy then ignoring me or talking and misunderstanding, compared it to someone running with the football the wrong way and not having the energy to stop them.

Feel bad for Caryn, the team is a team in name only. It would take a whole team working together, including the Team Therapist to stop Gerda from abusing housemates and continually causing trouble, but GS is mysteriously immune from the St. Luke’s Rules and Regs or even any basic notion of treating housemates with decency, though in order to make the counselors think she gets along with housemates will be the “best friend” of Peggy or me depending on who she is smearing at the moment and gets away with it.

Gerda was abusing Peggy for putting away dirty dishes, then when I tried to talk about it Caryn told me to leave the table. Another way to shut me up was to say I could sweep the stairs if I didn’t act like a martyr as I did with the dishes when Caryn has no idea WHY I started doing Peggy and Gerda’s chores of loading the dishwasher and putting away dishes in large part because they were filthy coming out of the dishwasher, even when warm had ground-in crud because of Gerda’s hysteria about having dishes soaking in the sink for even a half hour (but Gerda’s soaking her dishes either on the stove or in the sink is okay).

Gerda always says that I put dishes to soak and then go upstairs to sleep, not true, I often stay downstairs reading or looking at art books while digesting food, if I do go upstairs not always to sleep but often to work on computer or read, then come down in two or three hours to clean dishes, pots, Caryn has said and said last week that 2 or 3 hours is okay – I suggested lending Gerda my cell phone since I can’t afford the minutes but she could use the camera with time/date stamp to collect evidence on how long my dishes are in sink, and I could use my camera to take pictures of just how many days Gerda’s dishes/pans are in sink or on stove - Caryn would barely let me finish and said it would be childish and Gerda with head down said she withdrew objection to my soaking dishes because she herself leaves dishes in sink but Gerda had made a big deal of showing Caryn my great crime of leaving dishes in sink to soak as Gerda has so often before – this time was Peggy’s pan and has sometimes been so in past.

During the meeting where Caryn told me to leave while Gerda got 2 hours to tell her side and even was allowed to use up my 45 minute with Caryn threatening to leave every time I spoke.

Kari was very cold, said it was good I told her and that she would let Caryn know last Friday. Caryn said she would spend 2 1/2 hour with me, we talked for a long time at McDonalds, felt bad for Caryn when she said all she wanted to do was to take people places. I spoke of practicing talking and a bit about my background and told Caryn that since she was my RC it was not fair that she wanted to know nothing about me though she knows a great deal about Gerda and Peggy due to their 2 month war with phone calls to Sweta and Caryn. Caryn told me that she and Sweta were not going to act as go-betweens between Gerda and me after doing that with Peggy and Gerda for so long. Denies that the meeting with Peggy, her Aunt Sally, Caryn, Melissa, SLH Prog Dir and someone from Dept. Mental Health was Peggy complaining about being forced out of townhouse since Citizen Peggy could not get along with Non-Citizen Gerda.

I learned about the meeting from Caryn speaking to Peggy when I came in from having a cigarette and Gerda was at her computer so the meeting with Peggy 2 months ago was finished when they were talking about Peggy moving with Peggy shocked and upset. Also from Caryn leaving messages for Peggy about meeting why keep it a secret? Why are Treatment Plans kept secret from clients who are expected to sign them three months late, sight unseen? Who is really making these strange decisions and why? Don’t know but believe that it is being done by someone above the level of Supervisor of RCs Melissa Jacob.

Called Terri tonight about my $81 check that was due February 7^th and still not received, I did receive March $81 check but behind on food because of lack of money due in February. Terri will not be back until the March 16^th, sounded a bit upset and said to call her supervisor Ms. Swieker if had questions.

Kimberly, an RC, raucous shouting upstairs early at 7:04pm – Kim has a pleasant speaking voice but thin very irritating shouting voice - I called back “WHAAATTTT?” I had just showered and cold water came on half way through. Kimberly said “Now she is angry.” Thought she was joking but she was barely civil and usually is friendly and last time called me Buddy going out to smoke? in a very pleasant, friendly way.

Caryn told me counselors were complaining about the difficulty in waking me up, I said used to be true but most of time awake now when they come. RCs do not come upstairs any longer to wake me up or inform me they are here and have stopped using the doorbell that Gus installed about a month ago. Told Kimberly as she left and called Caryn for her meeting on Tuesday that I can hear the doorbell quite clearly in my room and if I am awake, will immediately come downstairs for meds.

I said often I am at computer, sometimes reading or thinking NOT ALWAYS SLEEPING and it takes about 45 seconds to get down stairs but that is too long for them.

Bonnie said she was going to 6040 Southport this week just to look around but it seemed strange. Bonnie did not seem pleased when I told her quite a while back that I gave Caryn, Bonnie’s phone number for a contact person, since my brother was still at the apartment at that time and did not know where he would be living and recently Caryn has used the name KELLER, best friend for my Aetna coverage of medication. Should I start filling a grievance, ask Caryn’s and Vickie’s and Bonnie’s opinion and for help in writing complaint of lack of meaningful supervision of Gerda and lack of protection for Gerda’s housemates, and for Dept Mental Health to look at minutes of meeting from Peggy’s complaint against Gerda.

Caryn told me that she was afraid of me when I asked her to come outside when I went for cigarette, I noticed it was raining and told her that I had one question I wanted to ask her in private and asked her to come downstairs in finished part of basement, that I had to get my clothes out of washer and kept calling her to come down, we had met downstairs once before and I had told her of Gerda’s sneaky eavesdropping on my meetings with Kari. The night before Gerda had told me that Melissa had agreed to let Gerda have Caryn as her RC which Gerda has stated to me a number of times she wanted.

Caryn said when I stood up at meeting it was a threatening gesture to stand at a meeting, I said I don’t remember standing. She said my body language is threatening. I tried to tell her I have spent years alone not used to talking and need whole body to squeeze out words and am easily distracted. Caryn said she did not know that as she says of so many things when I finally break through her non-stop talking in response to anything I say. She needs to learn mirroring and put it in her repertoire and sometimes I wish Vickie also would mirror instead of defending other person before I have spoken more than 3 or 4 sentences. The pressure to hothouse healing from lack of funds but doesn’t work, mirroring alone was not good but sometimes is called for, too much training is focused on constant intervention and lack of listening.

When Kari told me to fight for the bathroom, how could I do it alone, if the “team” knows that Gerda has in the past block use of common areas why tell me to fight alone, why did I get no back up from Kari and why did Kari not tell Caryn about Gerda’s “discouraging” housemates from using “her” bathroom though it is the only shower available to me or Shannon or previous housemates if they were not in the master bedroom. Really odd decisions made by the “Team”.

Gerda has been saying to me a lot lately that she hates Sweta’s calm demeanor and wants to shake Sweta awake or smack her awake – spoke of Myer-Briggs and the differences between introverts and extroverts. Gerda speaks of liking Kimberly’s energy level. Kari said she was not allowed to speak about Gerda with me but shook her head at Gerda’s telling me that Melissa had said Caryn could be Gerda’s RC and Caryn said, that after I spoke with her in the basement, that cz called Melissa at lunchtime and MJ said that Caryn had NOT been assigned to be Gerda’s RC. In car I asked why Gerda would lie and Caryn said Gerda didn’t lie and implied (?) Gerda misunderstood.

I told Gerda that I liked Sweta’s calm and gentle voice, I said I would not mind Sweta as RC since her personality is like mine and Caryn is an extrovert like Gerda which is part of the reason for the vast disparity in time that Gerda is allowed to speak and the 15 seconds at a time grudgingly allotted to me by Caryn.

Caryn said that Gerda never mentions me but in dealing with Gerda trying to turn me against Peggy, Gerda will be charming and joking and then slip into her hate Peggy with me because Peggy makes mistakes, can’t do chores right, wears Depends which “stink”, then Gerda, slipping back into charming mode. Caryn said it got back to her things I said about her, Caryn while denying that RCs would be influenced against me by anything GS says. I said that I did not want it to be like Chinese Whispers, where one person in a circle whispers a written phrase to another and at the end of the circle the sentence is completely distorted but would be happy to tell Caryn myself, if she would only let me speak. Caryn said that they used to call the game “Telephone Call” and promised to try to listen more but would reign me in if talked politics or spoke too quickly and too long.